Sex toys: What’s the fuss?

I read an article that was screaming ‘Chiyangwa’s daughter in sex-toy scandal’ This is in present day Zimbabwe! I’m seriously (#LookingForWords). I found myself reading, not because I think that this is a serious issue but just to see just HOW this article was written because lately, we’ve been flooded by poorly written articles that would find a more eager audience on some back door Google page 226 site on soft porn than in a national newspaper!
What are in quotes are the words I took directly out of the article.

“Secretary to the Censorship Board, Isaac Chiranganyika told Standardlife&style that they had not cleared anyone in Zimbabwe to sell sex toys or to hold auctions or any activities that promoted sexual activities.”

PSI and Carex, Durex nemaDhimbare condoms aya eblue pls run!! Censorship board is after you!

“Anyone who wants to do that business should first bring them [toys] to our offices for approval but we have not had anyone doing that,” said Chiranganyika.”

Just how does one take a dildo to the censorship board for approval? Just how will they approve? What is it that one has to do to show how they will be using this gadget? Tjo! This is pure promotion of sexual immorality. We might as well call them the Sex Watch Dog. I see them only accepting the use of sex toys by married coupled whose fingers bedecked by some wedding bands complete with marriage certificate and national IDs! SMH

Do I have to go and wear my sexy lingerie for the 93year old head of the censorship board for him to approve? Now, if I change partners, must I go back again with the new lingerie and hand cuffs et al?

“It is during festivals like Hifa that we normally record the highest number of sex toys brought in but we confiscate them,” said Chiranganyika.

Hee?- another stupid manner to try and ‘tarnish’ HIFA, little do they know that a lot of sex-starved individuals would then come flocking to Hifa thinking that this is one fest where a lot of sex goes on. But then again, there is such a wide variety of art on show that I literally get theatrical (dramatic) orgasms from the artistic stimulation I get at this festival.

“The board keeps different types of vibrators/dildos impounded over the past two years.”
We should arrest them for having these toys! Who knows if the toys are not being used or not.
On another thought, I think I should go and volunteer at the organisation, application processes can take too long. Who can say no to free sex, I mean work?

“Most of the toys in their possession are for use by women while artificial female organs are also part of the goods.”
Proves my point, our country is just so gender sensitive

“Silence Charumbira: How much do your activities affect you morally considering the reserved nature of Zimbabweans?”
Redundant question, right there. Just who has ever asked all these politicians about their extra marital affairs? Morgan Tsvangirai is NOT a part of this discussion.

” Vanessa Chiyangwa: I am not in any way affected morally by selling merchandise that enhances this process, which is why we do shows at bridal showers and bachelorettes because we want to equip women with tools that will help them satisfy their men sexually. And that is not immoral.”

How I wish there would be someone to teach these sons of Adam how to pleasure their women in bed. Granted, some of them now know how to please women financially but…I would go on but I think that the Censorship board would require that I get clearance for what I would write.

“Silence Charumbira: Are sex toys legal in Zimbabwe?”

Really? Was that a genuine question from a grown ass person? These toys are needed. Not all of us are old and past menopause. Zimbabwean demographics show that there are more young people than these old ones. And young people have sex. It is high time that we acknowledge as a nation that people need to have great sex. We are evidently watching porn! Yes, sex tapes fall under the porn categories. Just look at the sites we visit…porn. Erotic stuff. So why should a whole government try and limit the fun we enjoy in our bedrooms and cars and wherever else we are indulging. It is a sure sign of things falling apart when a whole nation ceases to discuss the way forward and is focused on what adults can and cannot have in their private spaces.

Someone please get me a vibrator! In fact, make them 7, one for every day of the week, in every human skin colour and with as many sensations as possible! I would rather go the vibrator way than the son of Adam way, minimises, if not erases the risk of contracting STIs and HIV and pregnancy. I won’t even look at the manner in which it removes me away from the hurt of being emotionally involved with a son of Adam.


7 thoughts on “Sex toys: What’s the fuss?

  1. I wish I could press “like” more than once. The social hypocrisy that pervades my country exhausts me. Can’t a girl make herself happy in peace in the privacy of her bedroom…. especially given the fact that what a girl wears is an issue. As is sexual orientation. As is sexual conduct. As is sexuality. Seriously! #exhausted.


  2. Thanks Tendo for this article. I am baffled at the way as a country we are so bent on focusing on issues that a consenting and full grown adult does in their private space. We live in a highly patriarchal society that is bent on policing women’s bodies and that also believes that the only way a woman can get satisfied if through penetration by a “man”. Sex toys are the best thing that ever happened to women, at least now i can explore my body and have multiple orgasms. Sex without frustration……


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