Random thoughts: on marriage, married men, married women and single women

Random thoughts: pls follow me carefully here.

.Women are less than men, stats point to this.

.Men want more than one woman to have a relationship with, emotional, physical or other (let me say ‘some’)

.Socially, it’s more accepted for men to marry more than one woman

.It’s frowned upon for a woman to have more than one man with whom she’s to have a relationship

Now, having said the above, why is it frowned upon when a SINGLE woman opts, on her own freewill, to date a married man? This woman would have analyzed the situation and realized kuti men aren’t enough to allow each woman to have one for herself. So, she willingly accepts being a potential second/ third wife. Now, how else is this woman to know kuti she is cut out for ‘sharing’ a man if she doesn’t date men who already have wives? Why do ppl/society call HER names? Why doesn’t society call names the man who, out of his own freewill, stood before men and God and declared kuti he wants one woman “forsaking all others” but goes out of his way to flirt and even have an affair with another woman?

Why does the onus of saving someone else`s marriage fall upon the woman who is not in that marriage? Why isn’t the man expected to safeguard his own marriage? Just what role does the husband play in keeping his marriage in tact? Surely, it doesn’t make sense to expect the wife, who has a life of her own where she’s also tryin to keep at bay other men who are on her case, how do we expect HER to then play guard to a fully grown man who has his own mind to chase other women?

Ndati ndibvunzewo. I just thought I’d ask these questions. Seeking answers to questions that baffle me.


6 thoughts on “Random thoughts: on marriage, married men, married women and single women

  1. Pingback: RANDOM THOUGHTS | Unspoken Truths

  2. I get you…I feel like we’re in a transition where alternative relationships or families are cropping up…emancipation will do that, you know once people start thinking and asking questions and realising they have agency over their lives, their happiness, things start to change. Marriage itself is being scrutinised, its become very unattractive because more than anything it seems to serve the male needs above the woman’s – monogamous relationships are rife with unnecessary violence usually because one or both partners are failing to live up to the promise of fidelity. I don’t advocate stepping on people’s toes in relationships but I’m definitely not against situations where you date someone that’s in a relationship or married if they are ‘open’ or are aware and ok with their partner ‘falling off the bed’ now and again or whatever the agreement is. Also if your moral compass allows it. At the end of the day, relationships are supposed to be a good thing not a war, and I’m sorry but one person is not able to fulfil your every need and that goes for women too. So for a long time its been the men that have been allowed to fulfil themselves emotionally, sexually or otherwise here and there at the expense of a woman’s feelings. I’m glad that I think we’re in a place where women are also beginning to understand and look out for their happiness, I’m not sure if the married/ in a relationship title matters anymore – people just want to be happy, SAFELY. Its not a man’s game anymore, women aren’t afraid to walk or have a side *ick too. Men have to work as hard to keep their women as their women do to keep them – all’s fair. Also I just have to add, when two people love and respect each other, they don’t need to be supervised to stick to their rules of engagement whatever they are. Those rules are becoming looser so that no one gets too suffocated in the relationship.


    • You speak to the issues I have. It is increasingly becoming apparent that women are also beginning to prioritise their happiness in relationships. Respect is vital and it has been lacking in many relationships. Most ppl nowadays are wedded and not married…that is something that has got many ppl’s knockers in a twist. LOL


  3. You have your eyes on someone’s husband?

    Ok, more seriously. I’m a guy and don’t relate to what you just said. I don’t think society doesn’t blame a husband for cheating. The other woman is blamed as well ofcourse, but I guess if you are the other woman (and I’m not saying you are) it’s probably easy to see blame as being all piled on you. so, no. onus doesn’t fall on her, but she shares blame in separating the two.

    Maybe before she gets into such a relationship (dating in preparation to be second wife) she should ask the guy if he’s talked this over with his wife and if she’s ok with it. There’s no point dating a guy whose wife doesn’t approve. Why would anyone in their right mind set out to start a war with another woman over a guy?

    It’s also not the responsibility of guy’s wife to watch that he’s not cheating. If she has to be on the lookout then hapasisina rudo already, and there’s a bigger issue to be worried about chisiri catching him or making sure he doesn’t.

    lastly, if 3 or more adults consent to share in love emotionally, physically or other, then its up to them. Society should worry about their own problems before trying to ‘set right’ this relationship.


    • If you are Shona you might know this statement, “Musha mukadzi” the home is the wife or something like that. It is the woman who is blamed for her husband’s infidelity, she did not satisfy him, she did not treat him like a king etc….is this not piling blame on another person? I am going to copy straight from a facebook post that i commented on: The discussion was on a friend’s wall about a married guy who was hitting on her friend

      “Why blame women, is my question? Who slept with who? Much as sex is a two minute thing it takes longer for sex to take place! Surely from the chase, to the accepting, to the mental engaging until the decision to cross yet another line up until the removal of clothes… Oh great, just blame it on the woman! She’s the only one who’s thinkin and the man has placed his brains somewhere for safe keeping til after the deed, right?

      I’m frankly tired of ppl who lay all the blame on women! It’s a two way thing and the sooner we accept this, the sooner we can deal with this.

      Some men and women cheat because they simply have the opportunity and want to and KNOW that they will be forgiven or that they won’t get caught!

      This whole hee kumba illtreatment is rubbish! Some men are kings wn they are home but they still cheat. Need I drag Mai what’s her name to make my example? I don’t think so!”


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