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Thru depression into gratitude: my journey

(This entry was written a few days ago but due to certain challenges beyond my control, I could only post it late)

Fighting depression is difficult. Many a time you look to ppl who you love n who love you back to reach out to but they are not available. The devastation can be lethal n it often is. Depression isn’t really timed to come up when it is convenient. It just hits you and one minute you were this happy person looking forward to doing the next thing n the very next second you’re this weepy, teary person who can’t find anything worth holding on to. 

It is a mental battle, whose gravity I’m beginning to appreciate. Sometimes there are triggers so if you are aware of them, you steer clear but often times, it’s subconscious…. your mind is battling issues, blowing them out of proportion or telling you that you can’t resolve whatever issues, or convincing you that you are indeed alone, unwanted, unloved, worthless etc. You might have the most supportive of family/ friends/ partner/ colleagues but all those pale into the shadows of this strong mental battle that rages silently in your head. We live in this world where we got lots of struggles and are pressure to deliver, to keep time, to meet deadlines etc, and we often push these ahead of people. We often forget that we’re in this hustle for others (be it to provide certain things- a financially stable life for family; products and services for bosses; salaries for employees; clean and safe home for family; gifts for friends etc). In our bid to meet these targets n deadlines, we push away n ignore the very ppl we are doing this for.

I was moved to write this after reading Max Soutter ‘s Facebook post (When you’re late for a meeting and your son is finishing his “I love you, dad, drawing for you n it’s important to him that he gives it to you) Many a time, we’re caught in these scenarios- two equally important things need our attention. One of these things is important to you (the meeting, in this case) and the other is important to someone else (the drawing, in this case.) When was the last time you made someone who’s important to you KNOW and FEEL that they are important to you? When did you last pay attention to those who are important to you? Do you even know who is important to you? How do you show/ tell them?

It is often difficult for someone to reach out and tell you that they wd want your attention. Trust me, the feeling of guilt is huge. They already know that you have many demands on your time and attention as it is. Picture this- you have a deadline that’s already running late and you’re working from home. You’ve got kids and your spouse who also require your attention. You also have family n friends who know that you’ve clocked off n therefore assume that it is time to catch up etc. This deadline is a  make or break for the company/organisation and must be met. (I’m already feeling pressured by this scenario I’m creating as it is) Now, if your partner or relative wd want just a few minutes to offload/vent or to sound out something/seek your confirmation on something, they already know how under pressure they are (or they might not) 

How you handle their reaching out to you for your attention becomes critical. Most of us tend to speak from a position of pressure- irritated/angry. The tone and/ choice of words often speaks more to your spouse than what you’re actually saying. Of course, they shd know better than to try n reach out to you than when you’re under such pressure. BUT that doesn’t make snapping or ignoring them the right way of handling the situation. Maybe they have been struggling for weeks now to tell you that they are being retrenched and today was the day they finally gathered the courage to tell you because tomorrow you’d hv gone on to make that booking to some holiday that you’ll no longer be able to afford. Maybe today was the day they wanted to tell you that they have been struggling to tell you that they were diagnosed with some terminal illness three months back n time is running out on their life. Maybe today wd be the day they finally gathered the courage to tell you that your parent/sibling has been keeping away from you some devastating news. Maybe just maybe today wd be the day they WD open up about how they think that they are useless/worthless/problematic and it’s better off they die.

I don’t know what today cd mean for them or for you. But for me, as finally the words n encouragement I’ve been receiving from my dear friend n family behind to sink in, today means I take stock of what’s important in my life. I take stock of who’s important to me. I am important to me. I need me at my best before i can be of any hello to anyone else. Only when I’m in a better mental space can i make sure that I can love my family and friends and reach out to them, listen to them when they want my time and attention. After today, I can reaffirm them of my love for them. I am deliberately setting aside time to focus on PPL because I realise that it is ppl who have helped me stay sane,  who have held my hand when i had given up, who carried me when i didn’t see the need to walk on, who listened when I was overwhelmed by stress, grief and pain, it is ppl who validated me when I felt worthless, unloved and unwanted. It is ppl who have reminded me that being loved isn’t only about the feel good time but it is about the willingness to get into the mud of despair, hurt, pain, grief etc and do what it takes to bring me out. It is ppl who have prayed for me, shared scripture with me, encouraged me with songs, words and offered their ears n shoulders. 

It is a difficult getting out of bed on some days. It has been difficult to eat even. It had been much easier to sleep and cry and complain n feel rejected, unwanted and unloved. It has been much easier to listen to the voice in my head telling me that I’m worthless. It has been much easier to pretend to hear what my friends n family have been saying about loving me, appreciating me, than it has to silence n drown that voice that speaks of darkness n worthlessness. 

I am a fighter and have this sunny disposition but there are demons I battle every once in a while. They are dark and powerful and I don’t take them for granted cz they can easily overpower me. I’m learning to reach out to friends n family when they come but it’s not easy. (I don’t want to hear the  disappointmentt n shock at how someone like me can be so despairing of life. I don’t want to hear the  judgement in those holy ones who see me as being blasphemous when I question my faith or God. I don’t want to take precious time away from my family n friends cz they have more than enough on their plate already- I don’t wanna be selfish. I fear that what I’m falling to cope with is going to be trivialised and ridiculed….. the reasons are many) 

Today, I am grateful for my very life. It might not be where I want it to be but its definitely not that bad. I might not be the person I thought I’d be by now, but I’ve surely come from far from where I started. I might not have what I wanted to have had by now but I surely have learnt a lot of lessons, achieved more than I can count or be grateful for, I have a whole lot more storms I’ve survived, there are more scars that show me that I’ve overcome that I’m stronger today than I was yesterday. I can accept this self comfort knowing that the clouds are blowing away and tomorrow I look forward to smiling for a longer time and crying for a lesser time. I might even dance but above all, I’m actually looking forward to a tomorrow! 

(The album Open Heaven by Hillsong is on repeat and has helped me to smile. Kari Jobe’s Holy Spirit helped me to recenter myself when the tears would not stop. Somehow, my friends, family n prayer circle have kept watering my faith thru this difficult time. I’m grateful)

Battles between grammar and creation

I’m seated on my bed (do I say that I’m seated IN my bed?) a day after my 14th 20th birthday 😉 and I’m thinking… Why did God create full grown adults? I mean,  He could have created babies and seen them grow and all that but (or do I say ‘hey’?) The Almighty One chose Adam and Eve to be full grown adults.  At least that’s the impression most of us have. He could also have just created old people.

An even closer look at miracle of belly fat melting

So, the UFIC, headed by prophet Emmanuel Makandiwa, has released a video which I suspect to be a response to the articles and comments on yet another video that “exposed” a fake miracle he performed a while back- it must have been during an Easter conference. I take the liberty to assume that I am one of the people targeted by the new video as I wrote my own article addressing today’s miracle loving Christians. (I do indulge in my own nice dreams. LOL)

Dreaming of being addressed by papa. LOL #zvirotoZviroto

Dreaming of being addressed by papa. LOL #zvirotoZviroto

Anyway, having watched several videos; the miracle exposing one, the response from the lady in red…and no, it is not the one who is addressed by the beautiful song.. as well as others that have been shared all over, I have several issues that i noticed.
1. 17 June is too late to do a response video on a miracle yekuEaster..weirdly, online media are placing these miracles, for they are many, to have taken place in early February…which is the real date here?- the one the ‘healed’ lady says (Easter?) or the ones the media registered? (February/ January 2013? There is even a July 2014!) seems this miracle is like manna, it is too regular an occurrence.

manna was plenty...belly fat loss is plenty plus

manna was plenty…belly fat loss is plenty plus

2. The husband is not convincing as a man who once had issues in his marriage cz of this “offending” chidumbu. The lady mentions at the beginning of her 17 June 2015 testimonial, that her name is Beatrice Muza, yet on the Youtube link of the ‘miracle’ she ‘received’ her “husband” Joseph Muza claims her to be Beatrice Mhike. Could this be a case of using married name or the name from her father? (Mhike/Muza) or someone forgot to check up on the minute details that some of us can grab a hold of? Anyway, the lady mentioned that she has a history of cervical cancer…can she produce the medical reports and can her oncologist confirm this? Jesus asked people to show themselves to the priests wani.

Ok, testimonial: check Now to get a medical verification

Ok, testimonial: check
Now to get a medical verification

3. This lady has gone back to putting on some of the dresses that she “couldn’t put on” Hoo, ko why is it that on the first video, her bust and under-arm were still with the “weight”? So these dresses were only tight on her tummy area? hmmm. Why is she wearing such lose fitting clothes in the testimonial video? It just raises my eyebrows and brings a sound from my throat.

yeah, right!

yeah, right!

4. That husband ought to have kept quiet. Why start by going at the ppl like me, “who are writing negative things about the” prophet (manje ini hangu am on about the miracle kkkk) anyway, What was his reason for doing the video? His happiness at the lost belly or the “attacks” on the prophet? hmmm Anyway, so because I commented questioning the miracle, I am now on the “other side” of the “kingdom” he belongs to? I am tempted to give an emphatic YES! I doubt I come from the same kingdom as that guy. I am not even sure what kingdom he lives in, so no, I will not want to claim that we mean or represent the same kingdom. LOL
5. This guy claims to have commented on Nehanda TV…I am yet to see his comment. I cd have missed his real name on the list of commentators, can someone help me read it? If he used a pseudonym, why not stand out tall and proud?

In the video of her miracle, I have several points I marked-
a) Who is the lady at 1.57?
b)  What is happening at 6.27-6.34?
c) What is that sound at 6.35, 36, 37?
d) Why does the prophet rush to ask “How do you fake this” in this original video at around 8.33? Who had said anything about fake or genuineness?
e) At 9.43 a guy comes thru and mentions something to the effect that the lady lost 12kilos!! Wow, yet her arms are not changed. All that weight was on her stomach?? Incredible!
f). At 09.53 there are two ladies in the overflow. One is ecstatic at her miracle and the other one is just meh about it. Interesting (just stuff I am observing on the video)
g) At 10.08 there is that sound again…can someone tell me what it is?
h) That lady at 10.27 is she the same one at 1.57 now in the overflow? Thought she had been in the main auditorium

Back to the Nehanda TV post

6) One comment from there just about sums up some of the comments shared on the “fake video expose” :Let me copy it as is: Ruth Dhafu Dhundu • 6 days ago
Dai mukadzi wake akafuta zvaakaita here iye achiita minana yakadai

prophetess and 'papa' prophet Makandiwa

prophetess and ‘papa’ prophet Makandiwa

Parting shot: Beatrice and everyone else behind this response, here is my two cents:

It appears, to me at least, kuti you want to invite people to your church, all good and dandy. I am one unbeliever of this miracle and nothing short of medical reports of the said “changed” condition will convince me. I am like the believers at Berea of Acts 17.10-15- I go back home and read the Bible and question what I have heard. I just don’t swallow it all as it comes to my eyes and ears. Ehe, I am a doubting Thomas, now, let me touch those wounds so I believe! don’t invite me to your church because I am not seeking a church, I am seeking Jesus. I am not seeking miracles but I am seeking to have a healthy relationship with God. Zvekuita mwana wapapa izvi, ini hangu handidi. (I do not fancy being a daughter of papa.)

What or who is the church?

What or who is the church?

#NdiMaMoyoAdaro

(apologies for not citing the sources of the images. I do not have copyright to any of these images.)

Of Today’s Christians: Is it transformation by Renewal or Removal of minds?

I recently came across a clip of a miracle performed by one ‘man of God’, Emmanuel Makandiwa, and the discussion around it had me check out the video and I came up with several questions of my own. I hope you can help me answer them.

So, this woman has “weight” taken off her stomach area yet the one around her arms was left intact? It is still visible as she is waving away, presumably going back to her seat. Wait a minute, what about that “weight” above her waistline, the one ABOVE the “tight” middle part of her dress- why was that left there? Why does the dress remains tight around her bosom? In addition, her neck still has that “ring”? I am really questioning this “miracle” here, I am and I need clarity. Jesus told several people to go and get checked by others who had knowledge of verifying the new state of those who had received His miracles- “Go and show yourself to the priest” He told some guy in the Bible:

“And Jesus saith unto him, See thou tell no man; but go thy way, shew thyself to the priest, and offer the gift that Moses commanded, for a testimony unto them”

Ini hangu, I am one person who wants to understand this “new state” of this woman. Am I the only one?

My other question is this:

Why, beyond this church, do we not hear of the people who have received these miracles? It seems it just ends with them and their papa and fellow sons and daughters of the prophets.

In Jesus’ time, He forbade people to talk about Him and what He had just done but the people went out telling all and sundry. Remember the two blind men? Who forbade today’s recipients of ‘Jesus’ goodness’ to go out and tell the world of their miracles? How come the local broadcaster, terrible and starved of great content as it is, is not flooded by these ‘miracle’ recipients and their families, friends and even neighbours etc to verify and testify to these miracles?

“Mat 9:30-31: And their eyes were opened; and Jesus straitly charged them, saying, See that no man know it. But they, when they were departed, spread abroad his fame in all that country.”

Interesting that these people also then become “sons and daughters of papa” yet, when some of the people who opted to follow Jesus, they then effectively left the then “church.” Yes, why are we now in an era of crowds seeking “papa”s and “mama”s and not seeking after Jesus?

Reading my Bible, I noticed that even deacons within the church performed miracles, signs and wonders. Look at Stephen, he healed, cast out demons, flew Air HolyGhost, preaching JESUS throughout many cities. How come it seems signs and wonders are only by the “men and women of God” and the believers do nothing but cry out “Hee papa, hee mama, hee man of God, Amen” etc? Where is the power of the church? Where is the move of the Holy Spirit in these churches? Why are these men and women of God and not by the lay people only doing the “greater things than these”? How come it is the ‘power’ of these prophets and prophetesses that people are spreading and not the power of God? Peter raised Dorcas from the DEAD, yes, from the dead and yet we do not hear of Peter’s power but that people believed in God because of these miracles! I recall Paul and Barnabus renting their clothes after people identified them to be gods! Yes, these two men had just healed a lame man and the city went ballistic in celebration but the two put a stop to the insanity of the idea that they would be likened to gods!  How come we do not hear the anger of today’s prophets in refuting the idea/reality of being given such high “honour” of even having people cursing anyone who dares question them? Interesting that these so-called believers rush to quote the scripture, “Touch not my anointed” yet Paul was stoned and left for dead for refusing to be honoured ‘as a god’ instead of Christ receiving that honour. It is all part of the hazards of the territory, me  says. Vachiri kungobvunzwa chete? Ah, havasati, vachatosvika pakuponderwa Jesu uyu, me says!

I want to quote one of my favourite pastors who quotes the Bible in a way I want to share with everyone else:

PC aka Pastor Craig Ndoro says: “The Bible says, ‘Be ye transformed by the RENEWAL of your minds’ and not by the REMOVAL of your minds.” I must agree with him, many of today’s believers have removed minds, simple- hakuna kufunga! There, I said it.

Of today’s “fast” young girls: #BIAAGZIM

I come from a society that believes in punishment rather than rehabilitation, a society that believes in reactionary methods of dealing with challenges rather than trying to prevent them, a society that is more in denial than accepts reality, and in so doing, would learn how to deal with them. And that is just the shame of it. Child marriage is sadly a scourge and the fight to end it has got to be very deep and, like a boil, it must be painfully ‘squeezed out from the root’. In a society where women are commodities to be owned, girls tend to be the ‘highest prized” of these commodities meant to help “turn around” the economic woes of families. Families sell their girl children, be it to be (cheap) labour or into marriage- to men who violate these young innocents’ childhood.  The Customary Marriages Act which looks at all customary marriages in the country does not even have an age limit as to what age people can get married, so a lot of young girls are married off under “customary marriages” and the law cannot do anything to punish those who abuse young girls in such scenarios.

It is fair and fine to look at marriage within the customary settings but I want to particularly look at child marriages in the modern set up where school going girls are impregnated by one person or the other and are forced out of school and sent packing into marriages they did not want or even think about. Child marriage, also known as early marriage, can be defined as “Any marriage carried out below the age of 18 years, before the girl is physically, physiologically, and psychologically ready to shoulder the responsibilities of marriage and childbearing.” I have followed a lot of debates on how “fast” or kuda zvinhu our young girls have become. I get it that we are a prude and uptight society that frowns upon sexual intercourse by women. I get it BUT…how then do we help these young in-school girls, at the peak of raging hormones and are that age where experimenting and exploration is rivalled by that of babies? Young people are having sex and my society had better accept this fact and deal with it. I am one of those who applauds the minister who wants condoms in schools as well as applaud those teens at the recent nude party who were  found in possession of condoms. That means that these kids are better prepared to engage in safer sex than be at the risk of such dangers as teenage pregnancy, which I view to be one of the number one reasons for child marriage.

I want to pose a series of questions:

If a baby loves the flickering of flames, do we leave that baby to play with it or we remove it from harm’s way? Do we punish a baby for their being attracted to flames? How come we child-proof homes why can we not ‘adult-proof’ our teens? Sex and pregnancy is meant for adults yet we do not talk to our teens about it but somehow expect them to just not indulge. We have a society that believes that whole grown men, heads of homes and even leaders in various circles, are incapable of controlling their sexual urges, how then do we expect these young people to be able to do what adults fail and are expected to fail to do? And when these kids fail and fall pregnant we punish them by sending them into an institution that accounts for more abuses of women than any. We send them to start a rite of passage that only a mature, informed and consenting adult should be willingly entering. I am particularly looking at those child marriages which take place because a school going girl has come home late or she has fallen pregnant and must “go kwaakapihwa nhumbu yake” (she must go to whoever made her pregnant)

People can get emotional all they want but a child who, despite acting all grown up and doing grown up business, has no business being thrust into a space that she is most likely to be abused repeatedly. This young girl-woman needs to be in school where an education can help her secure a better future for her. She needs the support of her family during this bewildering period in her life and not left in the hands of a man who most probably does not want anything to do with her or the baby she is now carrying. Sending her into marriage at such an early age and given the likely scenario she will face, IS punishing her, and punishing her terribly, if I may be so candid. Marriage should be a joy and not something that is founded on “mistakes”, fear and constant reminders that one is being punished and is unwanted.

Given that sex has taken place between a child-woman and (usually) an adult, why does my society see it fit that a few dollars, cows and some clothes and groceries are given in exchange for the entire future of this child? How much is a woman’s future worth anyway? Seems it carries a small price tag whichever way we look at it. Let us all remember that before we condemn this “wayward” child, for she still is a child, she is at the mercy of her hormones and we need to guide her through this difficult time of her life. I would dare challenge parents to take up the parenting mantle and equip their young girls with all the information they would need to get through this period in a manner that will allow them to avoid the pitfalls of teenage pregnancy and teenage sex. Marrying her off is not a solution and should not even be contemplated. Let us talk WITH our children about sexual intercourse so that they are better informed and ready to face or avoid it.

#BIAAGZIM

#NoToXenophobia: of a confused and repressive police force

To say I am traumatized I would be lying because I don’t think that I know what trauma is.
To say that I am depressed I would be lying because I have been depressed before and it does not feel like this
I am in this numb state where feelings and thoughts are sort of hanging
In this state of awareness and yet one of ignorance
I long for amnesia yet I am recalling every single memory

part of the peaceful protesters walking from the South African embasy into Harare's CBD #NoToXenophobia

part of the peaceful protesters walking from the South African embasy into Harare’s CBD #NoToXenophobia

my mind keeps pressing “Play” and the memories flood through
my mind has now chosen a coping mechanism-
shutting down and ignoring completely-
ignoring the images of a lone body lying on the ground
lying on the ground surrounded by a baton wielding police officer
not just one or to or three
and they keep coming, they circle him and release the batons like it is a competition
a competition to see who hits him the most painful
they soon completely cut off all view of him as they descend on him
onlookers dash into nearby buildings
not a scream is heard
i cannot speak, my voice is caught up somewhere within me
my eyes are snared, like a kudu caught in the bright lights cutting through the dark night
it is a dark moment, one cannot look away from
and I look on as this man whom I fear to identify ceases to be just a man
and takes on the face that i know
he is familiar, he is someone i know
just the other day, we were laughing and swearing to set up camp together at the embassy
“get me a tent, too.” i said to him then
but today, i can only look from a distance

Riot police following crowds along Jason Moyo avenue after a peaceful demonstration at the South African embassy #NoToXenophobia

Riot police following crowds along Jason Moyo avenue after a peaceful demonstration at the South African embassy #NoToXenophobia

cars drive on, only slowing down to verify what their drivers are seeing
right there, in the middle of town
a man is being beaten up by a crowd of police officers in full uniform
and they drive on
it seems like forever yet it is only a matter of seconds, less than a minute, I later learn
but it was enough
it was enough to convince me
it was enough to convince me that we have monsters who have been mandated to “look after” us- the nation

a nation whose children have been forced out of its borders
whose children are seeking refuge and a better life in other countries
a nation whose children are among those being displaced, burned, butchered and tortured in the streets of a sister nation
and it is this very act that saw us marching down the streets of Harare
registering our displeasure and disgust at the manner our own siblings are being treated

protesters outside the SA embassy in Harare singing in solidarity with Africans being attacked in  South Africa #NoToXenophobia

protesters outside the SA embassy in Harare singing in solidarity with Africans being attacked in South Africa #NoToXenophobia

they took our banners and placards “#NoToXenophobia” they screamed
we marched on into town, towards the press conference
little did we know that these police officers would chase some of our own down the road
little did we know that we would witness police brutality on a peaceful march
little did i know that i would see my own friend lying helplessly on the ground
mobbed by a crowd of angry police officers

members of the ZRP give chase to protesters who were to attend a press conference at the Media Centre after successfully n peacefully registering their disgust at xenophobic attacks

members of the ZRP give chase to protesters who were to attend a press conference at the Media Centre after successfully n peacefully registering their disgust at xenophobic attacks

i want to understand their anger
i want to understand why they did not arrest him
i want to understand why, after beating him up, they left him lying there
i want…there are so many things that i want but my mind cannot cope right now
cannot cope with the question:
why did the police beat up people protesting the horrible crimes being done upon, not only fellow Zimbabweans, but fellow Africans by some South Africans?
i cannot cope with the nation my country is

a group of more than 15 cops armed with baton sticks descend on an armed Sydney Chisi

a group of more than 15 cops armed with baton sticks descend on an armed Sydney Chisi

cops leave

my mind is on shut down
i am not ignoring you
i am not traumatized
i am not depressed
i am just hanging in limbo until my mind awakens and can fully function

Sydney in hospital after a group of policemen attacked him.

Sydney in hospital after a group of policemen attacked him.

Of Advice: Is this REALLY what we tell each other?

In a society where we face problems and tricky situations, advice columns have become a popular way to seek help. The power of tetes (aunts) is dwindling and fast dying out. I recently came across a link to a story that disturbed me so much. I initially ignored it until I decided to read the story and to say that I was horrified, is an understatement. I was not horrified AT the advice given, no, somehow that is ”the normal” kind of advice you hear being shared among women…at least ‘publicly’   anyway. I was horrified by WHO gave the advice! I mean, we live in a society in which any wrong that could go wrong can pretty much be explained away to be the responsibility of the woman. Let me use the issue I address in the video…adultery, or should I say the more appropriate name? CHEATING/ INFIDELITY. A quick look at the comments posted by readers on this article prove my point:

(from zimdaily) Mai Chisamba who runs an Agony Aunt column in a national newspaper

(from zimdaily)
Mai Chisamba who runs an Agony Aunt column in a national newspaper

the husband probably saw Sisi doing a good job of looking after him…

Jacob in response to Mother Teresa …Make it a rule that the maid does not enter the main bedroom , the wife shud make sure it’s cleaned by her and not the maid . When u leave for work lock it . Make sure u prepare food for ur husband and u bring it to him . Underwear shud not be washed by the maid…

paonei….Please ladies serve your husbands whenever possible…

….Do not antagonize your husband but continue loving him you will see what happens

….. Am a man and out of the thousands of men that I know, 99% have at one point cheated but their marriges are still intact and happy although they have not been caught by their wives. Men cant just stop cheating but they dont have to be caught mai Chisamba probably knows this and in most cases there is no justifiable reason for the cheating

This is a sad and pathetic situation where we do not want to uphold men to the same standards to which women are held. How do we create really happy homes where both parties are responsible for the functioning of a union? A situation where both men and women are held accountable for their actions and are held liable for deviating from an agreed upon path.

someone listen to this man...this is the truth (image from quotessays.com)

someone listen to this man…this is the truth
(image from quotessays.com)

My bone of contention lies with advice dishers who turn a blind eye at the obvious wrong committed by a party. In this case, Mai Chisamba does not acknowledge that this husband CHOSE to have sex with the maid. I mean, it was not like he suddenly had a d&*ck stand and the maid was naked, legs wide open on the floor or bed or wherever it was, and the dude slipped and immediately ejaculated into this ‘adulterous’ woman. No!! The husband chose to deceive his wife, lie that he was “going to have drinks with friends” meanwhile he would drive a little distance and do a double back and sneak into the cottage of this woman and have “the drinks of lust” with her. I want to question the state of mind of this man just so we help each other see the levels of deception this man went to in order to have fun with another woman.

(from quotes-lover.com) and most men cheat because they know that they will not be held accountable

(from quotes-lover.com)
and most men cheat because they know that they will not be held accountable

1. It takes planning to think up an activity that the wife would accept…enter drinks with friends

2. It takes planning to drive out of the house, get into the car and drive off a little distance, park the car and walk back to his house BUT use a side entrance into the house help’s cottage

3. It takes numbing one’s mind to carry a raging (or even a weak) erection for another woman whilst in the yard of one’s house. (I do not know if he had raging ones or he had weak ones, but both are possibilities)

4. It takes numbing of one’s mind to have sex (I’m imagining this other woman faking the pleasure by making sexual moans and groans to massage the man’s ego…before you shoot me down, it has been proven that most women exaggerate the moans in order to massage the man’s ego. Thanks to porn movies for raising the “pleasure” bar for us. LOL)

(from facebook.com) she gonn abe screaming and moaning all this and he forgets that he has a wife just a few meters away? Oh pu-liz!

(from facebook.com)
she gonn abe screaming and moaning all this and he forgets that he has a wife just a few meters away? Oh pu-liz!

5. Before we even get t the moans and the calling out of this man’s totem in “pleasure” (imagine that she is panting ‘iii, Chirandu kani, maihwee Moyo…) someone tell me that at NO POINT did this guy even THINK of his wife as he entered the cottage, as he checked quickly to make sure that his wife had not somehow visited the maid as soon as he had driven off, as he saw his fellow partaker of the forbidden pleasures, as he undressed her, as she ‘screamed’ out his name in ‘pleasure’ and as he probably covered her mouth with his hand to cut off the sounds, they could even have played music or something to muffle the sounds…who knows..they could also have done it in total silence, maybe ZESA was not there on several occasions…who knows…in all this

(from .newgrounds.com) this man had to sneak back into the cottage, right?

(from .newgrounds.com)
this man had to sneak back into the cottage, right?

Someone tell me that his lust was so much that he could not think and became a zombie..but how did he walk out of the house (probably hiding his erection from the wife) and drive and then…end up home again claiming that the guys were well? (If at all the wife asked him?) Tell me that this man was just so blinded by this seductive siren, who happens to be a maid, that he could not even think of his wife? Ah no ways, this woman (the Mrs) ought to deal with the real issue here, her husband. If she takes this other woman to court, as advised, to sue for adultery..what if, upon getting to court, this Mrs discovers that her husband had actually married this other woman? Anything can happen with this kind of deceptive man. If this woman, is already suicidal because she discovered the pregnancy, what will she be IF it tuns out that the woman she thought was her maid in in fact, her co-wife? hmmm!

I do not think that this woman should have been advised to deal with the next woman. Evidently,her own husband (as personal as it can get there…) decided to ignore whatever vows he made to his wife, before God and men when he indulged in this affair. He is not a helpless child at all in this matter. This woman needs to address the issue, with her husband. The problem is with him. All along, she wrote, she “had been happily married” so she was living in some bliss that was probably cloaked in denial. The signs were there and she chose to ignore them. That is a sad reality. What does a marriage retreat help in this case? There is a baby on the way and its mother is a woman this wife does not consider worthy of opening her legs to her husband…a maid..she keeps calling her. I find that this is something that this Mrs will not get over easily, so, best thing, she should not be made to feel bad should she consider leaving. This could be an issue that she might keep bringing up in future arguments..damaging any ‘progress’ they might have made as a couple. Let us be real and admit that being cheated on is damaging to one’s ego and self esteem. It is even made worse when the woman/ person who was a part of it is someone we deem to be ‘beneath us’

The advise given rests on too many assumptions: that this Mrs will want to stay with this man. 2. that the husband wants to go to court and try and prove paternity to a child he probably knows is his. 3. it is assumed that this Mrs is in a rational state of mind to even contemplate that she is being selfish…maybe it is time that someone advised her to be selfish…she could have been so selfless all along and maybe , just maybe, she needs to think about herself. Oh well, if we are going to quote the Bible, can we at least use it to help someone get to a better space and not use it to confine them in an unfair situation and position? This is one of the reasons why people then say that religion is used to oppress women.

I’m just saying….

who knows gif