Tag Archive | disgusting behaviour

Of today’s “fast” young girls: #BIAAGZIM

I come from a society that believes in punishment rather than rehabilitation, a society that believes in reactionary methods of dealing with challenges rather than trying to prevent them, a society that is more in denial than accepts reality, and in so doing, would learn how to deal with them. And that is just the shame of it. Child marriage is sadly a scourge and the fight to end it has got to be very deep and, like a boil, it must be painfully ‘squeezed out from the root’. In a society where women are commodities to be owned, girls tend to be the ‘highest prized” of these commodities meant to help “turn around” the economic woes of families. Families sell their girl children, be it to be (cheap) labour or into marriage- to men who violate these young innocents’ childhood.  The Customary Marriages Act which looks at all customary marriages in the country does not even have an age limit as to what age people can get married, so a lot of young girls are married off under “customary marriages” and the law cannot do anything to punish those who abuse young girls in such scenarios.

It is fair and fine to look at marriage within the customary settings but I want to particularly look at child marriages in the modern set up where school going girls are impregnated by one person or the other and are forced out of school and sent packing into marriages they did not want or even think about. Child marriage, also known as early marriage, can be defined as “Any marriage carried out below the age of 18 years, before the girl is physically, physiologically, and psychologically ready to shoulder the responsibilities of marriage and childbearing.” I have followed a lot of debates on how “fast” or kuda zvinhu our young girls have become. I get it that we are a prude and uptight society that frowns upon sexual intercourse by women. I get it BUT…how then do we help these young in-school girls, at the peak of raging hormones and are that age where experimenting and exploration is rivalled by that of babies? Young people are having sex and my society had better accept this fact and deal with it. I am one of those who applauds the minister who wants condoms in schools as well as applaud those teens at the recent nude party who were  found in possession of condoms. That means that these kids are better prepared to engage in safer sex than be at the risk of such dangers as teenage pregnancy, which I view to be one of the number one reasons for child marriage.

I want to pose a series of questions:

If a baby loves the flickering of flames, do we leave that baby to play with it or we remove it from harm’s way? Do we punish a baby for their being attracted to flames? How come we child-proof homes why can we not ‘adult-proof’ our teens? Sex and pregnancy is meant for adults yet we do not talk to our teens about it but somehow expect them to just not indulge. We have a society that believes that whole grown men, heads of homes and even leaders in various circles, are incapable of controlling their sexual urges, how then do we expect these young people to be able to do what adults fail and are expected to fail to do? And when these kids fail and fall pregnant we punish them by sending them into an institution that accounts for more abuses of women than any. We send them to start a rite of passage that only a mature, informed and consenting adult should be willingly entering. I am particularly looking at those child marriages which take place because a school going girl has come home late or she has fallen pregnant and must “go kwaakapihwa nhumbu yake” (she must go to whoever made her pregnant)

People can get emotional all they want but a child who, despite acting all grown up and doing grown up business, has no business being thrust into a space that she is most likely to be abused repeatedly. This young girl-woman needs to be in school where an education can help her secure a better future for her. She needs the support of her family during this bewildering period in her life and not left in the hands of a man who most probably does not want anything to do with her or the baby she is now carrying. Sending her into marriage at such an early age and given the likely scenario she will face, IS punishing her, and punishing her terribly, if I may be so candid. Marriage should be a joy and not something that is founded on “mistakes”, fear and constant reminders that one is being punished and is unwanted.

Given that sex has taken place between a child-woman and (usually) an adult, why does my society see it fit that a few dollars, cows and some clothes and groceries are given in exchange for the entire future of this child? How much is a woman’s future worth anyway? Seems it carries a small price tag whichever way we look at it. Let us all remember that before we condemn this “wayward” child, for she still is a child, she is at the mercy of her hormones and we need to guide her through this difficult time of her life. I would dare challenge parents to take up the parenting mantle and equip their young girls with all the information they would need to get through this period in a manner that will allow them to avoid the pitfalls of teenage pregnancy and teenage sex. Marrying her off is not a solution and should not even be contemplated. Let us talk WITH our children about sexual intercourse so that they are better informed and ready to face or avoid it.

#BIAAGZIM

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#NoToXenophobia: of a confused and repressive police force

To say I am traumatized I would be lying because I don’t think that I know what trauma is.
To say that I am depressed I would be lying because I have been depressed before and it does not feel like this
I am in this numb state where feelings and thoughts are sort of hanging
In this state of awareness and yet one of ignorance
I long for amnesia yet I am recalling every single memory

part of the peaceful protesters walking from the South African embasy into Harare's CBD #NoToXenophobia

part of the peaceful protesters walking from the South African embasy into Harare’s CBD #NoToXenophobia

my mind keeps pressing “Play” and the memories flood through
my mind has now chosen a coping mechanism-
shutting down and ignoring completely-
ignoring the images of a lone body lying on the ground
lying on the ground surrounded by a baton wielding police officer
not just one or to or three
and they keep coming, they circle him and release the batons like it is a competition
a competition to see who hits him the most painful
they soon completely cut off all view of him as they descend on him
onlookers dash into nearby buildings
not a scream is heard
i cannot speak, my voice is caught up somewhere within me
my eyes are snared, like a kudu caught in the bright lights cutting through the dark night
it is a dark moment, one cannot look away from
and I look on as this man whom I fear to identify ceases to be just a man
and takes on the face that i know
he is familiar, he is someone i know
just the other day, we were laughing and swearing to set up camp together at the embassy
“get me a tent, too.” i said to him then
but today, i can only look from a distance

Riot police following crowds along Jason Moyo avenue after a peaceful demonstration at the South African embassy #NoToXenophobia

Riot police following crowds along Jason Moyo avenue after a peaceful demonstration at the South African embassy #NoToXenophobia

cars drive on, only slowing down to verify what their drivers are seeing
right there, in the middle of town
a man is being beaten up by a crowd of police officers in full uniform
and they drive on
it seems like forever yet it is only a matter of seconds, less than a minute, I later learn
but it was enough
it was enough to convince me
it was enough to convince me that we have monsters who have been mandated to “look after” us- the nation

a nation whose children have been forced out of its borders
whose children are seeking refuge and a better life in other countries
a nation whose children are among those being displaced, burned, butchered and tortured in the streets of a sister nation
and it is this very act that saw us marching down the streets of Harare
registering our displeasure and disgust at the manner our own siblings are being treated

protesters outside the SA embassy in Harare singing in solidarity with Africans being attacked in  South Africa #NoToXenophobia

protesters outside the SA embassy in Harare singing in solidarity with Africans being attacked in South Africa #NoToXenophobia

they took our banners and placards “#NoToXenophobia” they screamed
we marched on into town, towards the press conference
little did we know that these police officers would chase some of our own down the road
little did we know that we would witness police brutality on a peaceful march
little did i know that i would see my own friend lying helplessly on the ground
mobbed by a crowd of angry police officers

members of the ZRP give chase to protesters who were to attend a press conference at the Media Centre after successfully n peacefully registering their disgust at xenophobic attacks

members of the ZRP give chase to protesters who were to attend a press conference at the Media Centre after successfully n peacefully registering their disgust at xenophobic attacks

i want to understand their anger
i want to understand why they did not arrest him
i want to understand why, after beating him up, they left him lying there
i want…there are so many things that i want but my mind cannot cope right now
cannot cope with the question:
why did the police beat up people protesting the horrible crimes being done upon, not only fellow Zimbabweans, but fellow Africans by some South Africans?
i cannot cope with the nation my country is

a group of more than 15 cops armed with baton sticks descend on an armed Sydney Chisi

a group of more than 15 cops armed with baton sticks descend on an armed Sydney Chisi

cops leave

my mind is on shut down
i am not ignoring you
i am not traumatized
i am not depressed
i am just hanging in limbo until my mind awakens and can fully function

Sydney in hospital after a group of policemen attacked him.

Sydney in hospital after a group of policemen attacked him.

Of Advice: Is this REALLY what we tell each other?

In a society where we face problems and tricky situations, advice columns have become a popular way to seek help. The power of tetes (aunts) is dwindling and fast dying out. I recently came across a link to a story that disturbed me so much. I initially ignored it until I decided to read the story and to say that I was horrified, is an understatement. I was not horrified AT the advice given, no, somehow that is ”the normal” kind of advice you hear being shared among women…at least ‘publicly’   anyway. I was horrified by WHO gave the advice! I mean, we live in a society in which any wrong that could go wrong can pretty much be explained away to be the responsibility of the woman. Let me use the issue I address in the video…adultery, or should I say the more appropriate name? CHEATING/ INFIDELITY. A quick look at the comments posted by readers on this article prove my point:

(from zimdaily) Mai Chisamba who runs an Agony Aunt column in a national newspaper

(from zimdaily)
Mai Chisamba who runs an Agony Aunt column in a national newspaper

the husband probably saw Sisi doing a good job of looking after him…

Jacob in response to Mother Teresa …Make it a rule that the maid does not enter the main bedroom , the wife shud make sure it’s cleaned by her and not the maid . When u leave for work lock it . Make sure u prepare food for ur husband and u bring it to him . Underwear shud not be washed by the maid…

paonei….Please ladies serve your husbands whenever possible…

….Do not antagonize your husband but continue loving him you will see what happens

….. Am a man and out of the thousands of men that I know, 99% have at one point cheated but their marriges are still intact and happy although they have not been caught by their wives. Men cant just stop cheating but they dont have to be caught mai Chisamba probably knows this and in most cases there is no justifiable reason for the cheating

This is a sad and pathetic situation where we do not want to uphold men to the same standards to which women are held. How do we create really happy homes where both parties are responsible for the functioning of a union? A situation where both men and women are held accountable for their actions and are held liable for deviating from an agreed upon path.

someone listen to this man...this is the truth (image from quotessays.com)

someone listen to this man…this is the truth
(image from quotessays.com)

My bone of contention lies with advice dishers who turn a blind eye at the obvious wrong committed by a party. In this case, Mai Chisamba does not acknowledge that this husband CHOSE to have sex with the maid. I mean, it was not like he suddenly had a d&*ck stand and the maid was naked, legs wide open on the floor or bed or wherever it was, and the dude slipped and immediately ejaculated into this ‘adulterous’ woman. No!! The husband chose to deceive his wife, lie that he was “going to have drinks with friends” meanwhile he would drive a little distance and do a double back and sneak into the cottage of this woman and have “the drinks of lust” with her. I want to question the state of mind of this man just so we help each other see the levels of deception this man went to in order to have fun with another woman.

(from quotes-lover.com) and most men cheat because they know that they will not be held accountable

(from quotes-lover.com)
and most men cheat because they know that they will not be held accountable

1. It takes planning to think up an activity that the wife would accept…enter drinks with friends

2. It takes planning to drive out of the house, get into the car and drive off a little distance, park the car and walk back to his house BUT use a side entrance into the house help’s cottage

3. It takes numbing one’s mind to carry a raging (or even a weak) erection for another woman whilst in the yard of one’s house. (I do not know if he had raging ones or he had weak ones, but both are possibilities)

4. It takes numbing of one’s mind to have sex (I’m imagining this other woman faking the pleasure by making sexual moans and groans to massage the man’s ego…before you shoot me down, it has been proven that most women exaggerate the moans in order to massage the man’s ego. Thanks to porn movies for raising the “pleasure” bar for us. LOL)

(from facebook.com) she gonn abe screaming and moaning all this and he forgets that he has a wife just a few meters away? Oh pu-liz!

(from facebook.com)
she gonn abe screaming and moaning all this and he forgets that he has a wife just a few meters away? Oh pu-liz!

5. Before we even get t the moans and the calling out of this man’s totem in “pleasure” (imagine that she is panting ‘iii, Chirandu kani, maihwee Moyo…) someone tell me that at NO POINT did this guy even THINK of his wife as he entered the cottage, as he checked quickly to make sure that his wife had not somehow visited the maid as soon as he had driven off, as he saw his fellow partaker of the forbidden pleasures, as he undressed her, as she ‘screamed’ out his name in ‘pleasure’ and as he probably covered her mouth with his hand to cut off the sounds, they could even have played music or something to muffle the sounds…who knows..they could also have done it in total silence, maybe ZESA was not there on several occasions…who knows…in all this

(from .newgrounds.com) this man had to sneak back into the cottage, right?

(from .newgrounds.com)
this man had to sneak back into the cottage, right?

Someone tell me that his lust was so much that he could not think and became a zombie..but how did he walk out of the house (probably hiding his erection from the wife) and drive and then…end up home again claiming that the guys were well? (If at all the wife asked him?) Tell me that this man was just so blinded by this seductive siren, who happens to be a maid, that he could not even think of his wife? Ah no ways, this woman (the Mrs) ought to deal with the real issue here, her husband. If she takes this other woman to court, as advised, to sue for adultery..what if, upon getting to court, this Mrs discovers that her husband had actually married this other woman? Anything can happen with this kind of deceptive man. If this woman, is already suicidal because she discovered the pregnancy, what will she be IF it tuns out that the woman she thought was her maid in in fact, her co-wife? hmmm!

I do not think that this woman should have been advised to deal with the next woman. Evidently,her own husband (as personal as it can get there…) decided to ignore whatever vows he made to his wife, before God and men when he indulged in this affair. He is not a helpless child at all in this matter. This woman needs to address the issue, with her husband. The problem is with him. All along, she wrote, she “had been happily married” so she was living in some bliss that was probably cloaked in denial. The signs were there and she chose to ignore them. That is a sad reality. What does a marriage retreat help in this case? There is a baby on the way and its mother is a woman this wife does not consider worthy of opening her legs to her husband…a maid..she keeps calling her. I find that this is something that this Mrs will not get over easily, so, best thing, she should not be made to feel bad should she consider leaving. This could be an issue that she might keep bringing up in future arguments..damaging any ‘progress’ they might have made as a couple. Let us be real and admit that being cheated on is damaging to one’s ego and self esteem. It is even made worse when the woman/ person who was a part of it is someone we deem to be ‘beneath us’

The advise given rests on too many assumptions: that this Mrs will want to stay with this man. 2. that the husband wants to go to court and try and prove paternity to a child he probably knows is his. 3. it is assumed that this Mrs is in a rational state of mind to even contemplate that she is being selfish…maybe it is time that someone advised her to be selfish…she could have been so selfless all along and maybe , just maybe, she needs to think about herself. Oh well, if we are going to quote the Bible, can we at least use it to help someone get to a better space and not use it to confine them in an unfair situation and position? This is one of the reasons why people then say that religion is used to oppress women.

I’m just saying….

who knows gif

The Arrogance of the penis

I am sure I do not hold these sentiments alone although I might be alone in voicing them. I am seriously disgusted by the behaviour of some of the members of the opposite gender. It appears as if they have no sense of decorum at all. There are quite a number who just arbitrarily yank out their winkies from their trousers and point at some tree, wall, wheel or whatever feature is convenient at that particular moment and wee! Thank goodness beings move, lest we would have cases of children that have been on the receiving end of these seemingly haphazardly irrigating human pipes. (I would bet my bottom dollar that there are cases, even animals that have been urinated upon although no one would admit to it- whether they have been the urinator or the urinatedee.) The case of that musician who did it on some under-age girl is something else that I shall not use as evidence in this particular case.

So common place has become this practice (of urinating anywhere else but inside a W.C (pronounce this with the accent) as the French call the little room) that one actually anticipates that the next man is gonna whip out his willy and take aim anytime! This is one of the most disgusting practices that men have gotten away with notwithstanding the fact that law prohibits it. To note that this is done not only by drunks but even those men with whom one would associate sobriety is even more alarming. Excuse me for not having a penis, but I think that that particular piece of anatomy is one of the least visually appealing body parts on men and should just be kept hidden from unrestricted spotlight, even when there is no one ‘watching/looking’ or within eyesight. Even if I were into penis watching, I am quite sure that I would not want to look at just any! Surely it was no fluke that it was designed to be buried inside Ms Vagina during intercourse!

Speaking of which…. I think that the penis ought to have come with a head that had a brain. It cannot just assume that every woman its master comes across must get a nod of acknowledgement (worse encounters have it standing to attention!) Such a gesture is just uncouth and coarse especially when it is for any chance woman, which is usually the majority of the cases. And mentioning uncouth, there is yet another thing that men do that just riles women all over the world. It occurs during another of these ‘leaking fluid’ events that humans engage in. The ugly looking member having engorged and become as turgid as can be, and thus finally become eye-catching and, promising fulfilment and pleasures galore, only manages a few strokes before spewing out spermatozoa! (Okay, this is probably not its fault but that of its master who, in most cases, lacks self-control and knowledge of how to illuminate pleasure in his partner and this incidentally, serves as one reason to campaign for Peepee to have his own brain.) I want to believe that it wilting upon ejaculation is its own way of trying to blush on behalf of its master who lies spent, unaware that if progenies were a result of female orgasm, the human race would have probably faced the fate of the dodo. Yet such is the arrogance of the penis that it shall still rise to nod for another woman, erect for another attractive one whether she reciprocates the feeling or not, it shall insist and agree to coming out from the covering of clothing to urinate on some feature and ultimately, it shall vomit into Ms Vagina after being sexified. Such arrogance!