Tag Archive | heart

The ideal woman

So a joke was shared in one of these group in which I find myself and it went something like this:

“Your boyfriend shows up at your place and you are down to your last dollar which you were going to use to buy relish to cook sadza with. You then opt to buy him a soft drink and some biscuits and you then pour some water into a bottle of sprite and drink this. Halfway down his bottle, he asks that you swop because he loves Sprite. What do you do?” I will not share some of the answers that were shared in that group but it’s suffice to say that they resulted in me taking this issue to a broader audience: my blog.

This may be funny, or even the responses but I see a lot of sadness. I see a lot of pretense that a lot of women are engaging in and it just breaks my heart. I heard of how young women would be willing to deceive the guy just so he does not realise that she is facing hard times. Some of the responses were so violent that had it not been social media and had been a social event,  I am almost sure that a physical fight or at least a screaming match of some sort would have erupted. It is sad. I mean, why go to all the lengths to hide from  boyfriend that things are not well? What is the matter if he was to eat sadza with just vegetables on the day? Why not even ask him to help you sort out supper? I mean, I would ask that of my dude if he came and I was in that situation. I mean, we would (and do) have an honest relationship that has that kind of honesty, maybe that is why I make that declaration.

this t an ideal woman looks like...legs, boobs n ass. KKKK (smithfamilycolorado.com)

this t an ideal woman looks like…legs, boobs n ass. KKKK (smithfamilycolorado.com)

 

If a woman/ girl goes out her way to hide this and put up such a front, I wonder what else she is hiding. Anyway, the discussion soon turned to issues that touch my heart…women and their self-identity. It got me thinking just how women are under pressure to present this “ideal woman” whom none of us actually knows what she is like or how she even looks like. No wonder people be bleaching their skins rotten, because to them, the ideal woman is a “yellow bone”. No wonder some women are battling bulimia and anorexia because they want to look “sexy”…I am not yet convinced that “sexy” is a dress size. No wonder some are insecure and go snooping into phones trying to find out just who their man is chatting with. No wonder some women, scratch that, no wonder I, ME, used to ask my then boyfriend WHY he was with me! Sad. The truth is that I (and many other women) did not think that we were (are) good enough for this man who I was with (some still think that they are not good enough.) I know one too many women who are trying so hard to be superwoman…being super mom, super wife, super daughter in law, super employee…and I  wonder ho wit is all supposed to balance out…Seems every other woman I know is or has battled trying to aim to be this woman, this paragon of virtue, the virtuous woman aka the Proverbs 31 woman. Lord help us, she has to be the innocent, the virgin yet also be the sex goddess whose sexual prowess puts  a sex worker to shame…how she is supposed to be able to be this, I have no idea…but the pressure is still there.

 

she shall be called WOMAN and not anything else that is descriptive (gopixpic.com)

she shall be called WOMAN and not anything else that is descriptive (gopixpic.com)

 

I really think that my mind is insane to question the demons that hound my fellows but it does. I am not even apologetic because I finally discovered what and who this ideal woman is…move over Angelina and your full lips, move over all you Indian women with your long and silky hair, move over your Swedes with your unending limbs….models, move the bloody hell over with your size zero bodies..I have finally found her.

 

Yes! After many dismal failures, I have found her!  (sparkpeople.com)

Yes! After many dismal failures, I have found her!
(sparkpeople.com)

 

The ideal woman is the one staring back in the mirror when I look into it. She is that woman who stares back in the mirror when the next lady steps in front of the mirror, too. Yes, the ideal woman is YOU! Your personality is what is ideal. Your body, your race, your hair, your attitude to life is what raises this woman to shine gloriously when you do YOU!

yes, this very short me is the ideal woman that is me!

yes, this very short me is the ideal woman who is me!

I take my bra off (and it is not a big size, mind you. lol) to every ideal woman staring back in the mirror.

 

I seriously take off my bra to you  (buzzfeed)

I seriously take off my bra to you
(buzzfeed)

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Of eye candy and their ages

So here I was surfing the net looking for something to inspire my creativity when I stumbled on this amazing fact…Brad Pitt is turning 50!! this coming Wednesday! I mean, is this for real? This man still looks pretty dishy any given Sunday and he surely don’t look a day closer to fifty, despite his long hair. I have swooned over this man and have watched him in moveis…note that I haven’t watched his movies, I have watched HIM in movies…get it? …LOL, it is true. The man is just eye candy and has the bod to die for…not that he is my ideal man, just one who serves my fantasies well. LOL.

 

Is this how hot a 50 year old looks? hmmmm (image courtesy of all4wmomen.co.za  I definitely need insurance)

Is this how hot a 50 year old looks? hmmmm
(image courtesy of all4wmomen.co.za I definitely need insurance)

I have digressed greatly, the point isn’t to talk about how dishy he is but rather to share with you something that hit me today.

So Brad is turning fifty, right? Right. So, I have had a major oogle or two or three or more, right? Right. So, my friends and I have had several slumber parties and get togethers were the objective turned out was to discuss his dishy looks and bod…oh yes, we have. For the life of me I only know that he acted in Troy as Achilles and he is in Oceans something or the other with George Clooney (it just goes to show you that I was oogling the guys..I don’t even recall the story lines, just the bods…LOL) Anyway, the point is this:

 

That nose! Uhmmm I can look at it for days!  (image from weheartit.com Who doesn't?)

That nose! Uhmmm I can look at it for days!
(image from weheartit.com Who doesn’t?)

I am horrified! Yes, I am. Brad is turning 50 and I have had a major crush on his pretty face and chiselled bod for ages. I have had mental images of him as my fantasy dude and images of him have made my heart race one too many times. And this horrifies me how you ask? Well, he could be my father! Yes, Brad is only a few years younger than my mother!! Oh gosh, he is that old and it never once crossed my mind to think of those pretty looks as belonging to someone in my mother’s age range! Technically, I had a crush on someone who is my dad’s peer mate! What the hell!! Oh this just takes the fun right out of it but it surely don’t make him any less eye candy. Anyway, Happy birthday to you, William Brad Pitt,

Happy birthday mum, I mean, man. It does get confusing right now. ;-) (image courtesy of imageslist.com )

Happy birthday mum, I mean, man. It does get confusing right now. 😉
(image courtesy of imageslist.com )

 

Fears in the heart

 

Opening my mouth and fearing to let go the words at the very tip of my tongue

How do I let them go when I am not sure of the fate that awaits me once I speak?

 

I want to tell you, to tell the world, to tell me in the presence of myself, you and someone else

I think twice, not because I am not sure of my words

I think twice because I am not sure of the reaction

I have said these words over and over and over again

I might say them many more times to myself

 

My blood grows warmer as my heart whispers to my head

My eyes dilate as my brain tells it what my heart means

My palms sweat in anticipation and

My throat constricts just s my voice releases

 

I feel my nostrils flaring, my breathing erratic

I feel my stomach churn as my thinking ceases

I feel all my senses numb

I suddenly come alive and y hands wrap themselves ‘round your throat,

My teeth sink into your neck as my tongue tastes your blood flowing onto it,

My mind fails to comprehend what is going on

The taste of blood is just as strong as the fresh smell of it,

Repulsed, I try to let go as I am suddenly aware that my ears have been deafened by the rage coursing through me

Disturbed, I am aware that I am weirdly satisfied at the sight of your blood,

I am oddly pleased that I am the cause of your pain and misery

 

I loved you, and maybe I will always

However, you have soured it for me and for anyone else to come

You have defiled my heart by desecrating my body and vandalising my mind

I am now an animal and as such, I relate to you

When in Rome… and now I have done as you, my Roman, do

 

I open my mouth and I fear that I may just let the words come out

I open my mouth and fear that which I have just dreamed of will occur

So, I open my mouth and take a deep breath and expel it on a shake of the head

                “Nothing, I think…Was I dreaming?” I ask you

It is time I left you, went back to the beginning, picked up my bags, my dignity and self-respect

I fear, my heart is now fraudulent and crooked

One day, I just might do what I dreamed I did to you

 

This is a deep fear in my heart, and I will not communicate it to you,

Lest you persuade me and this wickedly tempted body of mine will connive with this love-starved heart of mine

My attention-seeking arms will reach out to you and hold you close in a fatal embrace,

One that will seal my fate and these deaf ears of mine will not bother to listen to my dreams

 

And I just might