Tag Archive | People

The ideal woman

So a joke was shared in one of these group in which I find myself and it went something like this:

“Your boyfriend shows up at your place and you are down to your last dollar which you were going to use to buy relish to cook sadza with. You then opt to buy him a soft drink and some biscuits and you then pour some water into a bottle of sprite and drink this. Halfway down his bottle, he asks that you swop because he loves Sprite. What do you do?” I will not share some of the answers that were shared in that group but it’s suffice to say that they resulted in me taking this issue to a broader audience: my blog.

This may be funny, or even the responses but I see a lot of sadness. I see a lot of pretense that a lot of women are engaging in and it just breaks my heart. I heard of how young women would be willing to deceive the guy just so he does not realise that she is facing hard times. Some of the responses were so violent that had it not been social media and had been a social event,  I am almost sure that a physical fight or at least a screaming match of some sort would have erupted. It is sad. I mean, why go to all the lengths to hide from  boyfriend that things are not well? What is the matter if he was to eat sadza with just vegetables on the day? Why not even ask him to help you sort out supper? I mean, I would ask that of my dude if he came and I was in that situation. I mean, we would (and do) have an honest relationship that has that kind of honesty, maybe that is why I make that declaration.

this t an ideal woman looks like...legs, boobs n ass. KKKK (smithfamilycolorado.com)

this t an ideal woman looks like…legs, boobs n ass. KKKK (smithfamilycolorado.com)

 

If a woman/ girl goes out her way to hide this and put up such a front, I wonder what else she is hiding. Anyway, the discussion soon turned to issues that touch my heart…women and their self-identity. It got me thinking just how women are under pressure to present this “ideal woman” whom none of us actually knows what she is like or how she even looks like. No wonder people be bleaching their skins rotten, because to them, the ideal woman is a “yellow bone”. No wonder some women are battling bulimia and anorexia because they want to look “sexy”…I am not yet convinced that “sexy” is a dress size. No wonder some are insecure and go snooping into phones trying to find out just who their man is chatting with. No wonder some women, scratch that, no wonder I, ME, used to ask my then boyfriend WHY he was with me! Sad. The truth is that I (and many other women) did not think that we were (are) good enough for this man who I was with (some still think that they are not good enough.) I know one too many women who are trying so hard to be superwoman…being super mom, super wife, super daughter in law, super employee…and I  wonder ho wit is all supposed to balance out…Seems every other woman I know is or has battled trying to aim to be this woman, this paragon of virtue, the virtuous woman aka the Proverbs 31 woman. Lord help us, she has to be the innocent, the virgin yet also be the sex goddess whose sexual prowess puts  a sex worker to shame…how she is supposed to be able to be this, I have no idea…but the pressure is still there.

 

she shall be called WOMAN and not anything else that is descriptive (gopixpic.com)

she shall be called WOMAN and not anything else that is descriptive (gopixpic.com)

 

I really think that my mind is insane to question the demons that hound my fellows but it does. I am not even apologetic because I finally discovered what and who this ideal woman is…move over Angelina and your full lips, move over all you Indian women with your long and silky hair, move over your Swedes with your unending limbs….models, move the bloody hell over with your size zero bodies..I have finally found her.

 

Yes! After many dismal failures, I have found her!  (sparkpeople.com)

Yes! After many dismal failures, I have found her!
(sparkpeople.com)

 

The ideal woman is the one staring back in the mirror when I look into it. She is that woman who stares back in the mirror when the next lady steps in front of the mirror, too. Yes, the ideal woman is YOU! Your personality is what is ideal. Your body, your race, your hair, your attitude to life is what raises this woman to shine gloriously when you do YOU!

yes, this very short me is the ideal woman that is me!

yes, this very short me is the ideal woman who is me!

I take my bra off (and it is not a big size, mind you. lol) to every ideal woman staring back in the mirror.

 

I seriously take off my bra to you  (buzzfeed)

I seriously take off my bra to you
(buzzfeed)

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The call to the president

I recently came across a poem on the Facebook wall of some guy who wanted to make a call to the president
“about the sisters
who forgot to dress properly
on public streets”

Of all the things he could have called the president. Of all that is going on in this our beloved country. Of all the rot and cancer spreading in the nation, he would rather with
“private number
in hushed voice” tell him about women not dressing properly?

I don’t think so.

I wonder
when you will call him
about the brothers:
who wear their pants beneath their bums
with all manner of underwear showing?

saggy triloquist.net

Or about the very brothers
who sexually harass women

with their cat-whistles and unwanted sexist attention?

Wait a minute,
you did not know that
that was abuse of the sisters?

whilst you and your brothers

Go about competing to show us what little bums

and dirty undergarments

(they cannot be called underwear,

they insult the clothing)

Whilst you and your brothers compete

me and my sisters

Do not waste a moment thinking

about such trivial issues.

At the end of the day

we each shall remove them

When we shower.

Go on and make that call
to the president

                                                                               and whilst you are at it,

 Remind each other that

the women of this nation will not

be trivialized

cellphone bestclipartblog.com image

Isn’t it of more concern

to weed out rot and corruption

from the government

than to remove the clothes of a woman?

elephants are dying and ivory being sold on black markets

     elephants are dying and ivory being sold on black markets

Isn’t it of more concern

to have electricity and flowing water

in every household,

To have quality and relevant education

in every school

for everyone?

our children evidently enjoy school, can their classroom be more encouraging?

our children evidently enjoy school, can their classroom be more encouraging?

Isn’t it of more concern

to have good roads and infrastructure,

functional ministries and councils?

Isn’t it of more concern

to have a functional health system

access to health services

services that are affordable and accessible?

this is water taken from a tap in Harare! Are we seriously paying to get sick?

this is water taken from a tap in Harare! Are we seriously paying to get sick?

Yes, my brother,

call the president.

Remind him that Murambatsvina 2 is a real threat over our heads.

Ask him why councils are being run like the very tuck-shops that were razed the first time around.

Ask him why water bills are not transparent and why it seems as if the ‘cancelled’ bills we are paying up, one  way or the other.

 

Please speak up loud and clearly,

In fact, come and take my phone and make that call.

Please ask him why so many students are still enrolling into tertiary institutions only to graduate and sit at home or do work that is so unrelated to their ‘qualification’

Please, I urge you, ask him why so many people are working so hard yet  this is not reflected in their pockets

I wonder how many graduates are seeking a living by Ximex Mall? (image courtesy of technomag.co.zw)

I wonder how many graduates are seeking a living by Ximex Mall?
(image courtesy of technomag.co.zw)

Oh, and whilst you are on the line, please ask him what the government is waiting for concerning the bilharzia vaccine? How many more children must die or react terribly before they stop to investigate it? Who’s child must be negatively affected before it can be stopped? Yes, please try to get clarification kuti since when was bilharzia such a national issue to warrant such national action?

You see, my brother, I have too many questions and yet you have only one.

You want to speak to the president in hushed tones via a private number yet I want to speak to him in a clear voice, no hiding my identity and ask him my many questions.

But for now, please call him….

 

(Whilst this entry was waiting to be posted, the government has since called a press conference re: the bilharzia injections…’to investigate’ I wonder what they will come up with as findings. I also wonder from whom it is that they will seek counsel. I really wonder a lot of things when it comes to my government. It seems as if the professor has come back ready to undo his errors when he was behind the unpopular pieces of legislature, now that he has got the whole Dead BC board fired…can he please not juts fire the whole government and the City of Harare folk whilst at it? But I digress….  )

 

Worrying attitudes

*graphic images:

Some ignorant people (dare I call them stupid idiots?) have said a lot of nonsense about women who are abused, beat and battered at the hands of their spouses and partners. Some who have no understanding of just how difficult it is to get out of an abusive relationship have mouthed off theoretic euphoria that says to ‘walk away.’ Here is a case of a woman who was in an abusive marriage, her spouse threatened to kill her and at one point even threw their 17 month old baby over a gate! This was a woman who had seen her man do what he threatened he would do, he showed no signs of conscience even where his own baby was concerned. How could he not follow through with the threat to kill her?

Such innocence

This man was out on bail on an intimidation charge when he committed this heinous crime. Anyone see how his crime escalated and got nearer to his partner, from throwing their baby over a gate, to attacking his wife’s niece in front of witnesses who happened to be neighbours to intimidation and then to actually brutalising her?

The brutality!

The man was on bail and one of the conditions was that he stay away from his wife and child but he violated the conditions as well as disrespected a protection against him coming near the two. (Point of discussion: how can a man who disrespects his own wife and his own flesh have any respect for pieces of paper?- these laws gotta change….anyway…)

What I find particularly enraging and also alarming is the following excerpt from the newspaper article:

{Police Ministry spokesman Zweli Mnisi said yesterday that Mbili’s family should go to court to complain that the protection order had been violated.

“The court issued the protection order, therefore victims should go to court and asked for them to instruct the police to arrest the suspect and the police will then definitely make the arrest.”}

This is the kind of response we get from the police? That the family should go to COURT and COMPLAIN that the protection order had been violated? Am I missing something here? What then is the role of the police? Maybe I am wrong and do not understand South African law but this sounds all to familiar within my country’s  context. The other month, we read of how a wife to some ‘prominently positioned’ man was threatened, in itself a crime section 186 of the Criminal Law (Codification and Reform Act) is applied.  What worries me is that a formal report was made and a docket was opened wherein it was established that the woman had indeed been threatened with a gun by this husband with whom she was on separation yet the police were in agreement with ‘the powers’ to withdraw the charge ‘least the party be embarrassed’!! Her words, according to the article are:

“I withdrew the charges last week on Tuesday chiefly because I still love my     husband and secondly, to avoid embarrassing my party,”….

How many times have we heard of someone shoot by a gun? It’s no longer an American challenge, neither is it South African

Wtf!! To even think that the party ‘leaders’ knew of this incident and still went ahead and ‘asked’ that she withdraw the case is baffling and telling of how they view issues of domestic violence…definitely not seriously. It does not bother them that stats show that at some point (I hope that has changed), 60% of murder cases before the High Court were a direct result of domestic violence! Had this woman been shot dead by her ‘husband’, would they have claimed responsibility as well as complicity? No bother even trying to guess how that would end.


It is way past the time that we all took issues of domestic violence seriously. Domestic violence is NOT a private affair when it costs the public money, time, personnel and other intangible and unquantifiable resources. How much paper is used in writing up dockets? How many police officers are attending to cases of domestic violence? How many nurses and doctors are attending to issues of domestic violence? How many counselors are attending to survivors of domestic violence? How many cases are in courts that are domestic violence related? How many pieces of legislature are to be put in place to try and curb domestic violence? How many women and men should suffer in silence? How many more children must grow up in violent homes? When will this cycle end?  Domestic violence is NOT a private issue when it costs life…how many people have to die at the hands of their partners? Domestic violence IS war! It is war when every 15 seconds a woman is beat up by her husband or partner. It is very worrisome to hear people shushing survivors of domestic violence. It is worrisome to hear law enforcement agents turning away survivors from their stations….to solve their ‘domestic issues’. It is worrisome when senior leaders in the society encourage men who threaten their partners with death. These attitudes must change and change now!!