Tag Archive | sexy

The ideal woman

So a joke was shared in one of these group in which I find myself and it went something like this:

“Your boyfriend shows up at your place and you are down to your last dollar which you were going to use to buy relish to cook sadza with. You then opt to buy him a soft drink and some biscuits and you then pour some water into a bottle of sprite and drink this. Halfway down his bottle, he asks that you swop because he loves Sprite. What do you do?” I will not share some of the answers that were shared in that group but it’s suffice to say that they resulted in me taking this issue to a broader audience: my blog.

This may be funny, or even the responses but I see a lot of sadness. I see a lot of pretense that a lot of women are engaging in and it just breaks my heart. I heard of how young women would be willing to deceive the guy just so he does not realise that she is facing hard times. Some of the responses were so violent that had it not been social media and had been a social event,  I am almost sure that a physical fight or at least a screaming match of some sort would have erupted. It is sad. I mean, why go to all the lengths to hide from  boyfriend that things are not well? What is the matter if he was to eat sadza with just vegetables on the day? Why not even ask him to help you sort out supper? I mean, I would ask that of my dude if he came and I was in that situation. I mean, we would (and do) have an honest relationship that has that kind of honesty, maybe that is why I make that declaration.

this t an ideal woman looks like...legs, boobs n ass. KKKK (smithfamilycolorado.com)

this t an ideal woman looks like…legs, boobs n ass. KKKK (smithfamilycolorado.com)

 

If a woman/ girl goes out her way to hide this and put up such a front, I wonder what else she is hiding. Anyway, the discussion soon turned to issues that touch my heart…women and their self-identity. It got me thinking just how women are under pressure to present this “ideal woman” whom none of us actually knows what she is like or how she even looks like. No wonder people be bleaching their skins rotten, because to them, the ideal woman is a “yellow bone”. No wonder some women are battling bulimia and anorexia because they want to look “sexy”…I am not yet convinced that “sexy” is a dress size. No wonder some are insecure and go snooping into phones trying to find out just who their man is chatting with. No wonder some women, scratch that, no wonder I, ME, used to ask my then boyfriend WHY he was with me! Sad. The truth is that I (and many other women) did not think that we were (are) good enough for this man who I was with (some still think that they are not good enough.) I know one too many women who are trying so hard to be superwoman…being super mom, super wife, super daughter in law, super employee…and I  wonder ho wit is all supposed to balance out…Seems every other woman I know is or has battled trying to aim to be this woman, this paragon of virtue, the virtuous woman aka the Proverbs 31 woman. Lord help us, she has to be the innocent, the virgin yet also be the sex goddess whose sexual prowess puts  a sex worker to shame…how she is supposed to be able to be this, I have no idea…but the pressure is still there.

 

she shall be called WOMAN and not anything else that is descriptive (gopixpic.com)

she shall be called WOMAN and not anything else that is descriptive (gopixpic.com)

 

I really think that my mind is insane to question the demons that hound my fellows but it does. I am not even apologetic because I finally discovered what and who this ideal woman is…move over Angelina and your full lips, move over all you Indian women with your long and silky hair, move over your Swedes with your unending limbs….models, move the bloody hell over with your size zero bodies..I have finally found her.

 

Yes! After many dismal failures, I have found her!  (sparkpeople.com)

Yes! After many dismal failures, I have found her!
(sparkpeople.com)

 

The ideal woman is the one staring back in the mirror when I look into it. She is that woman who stares back in the mirror when the next lady steps in front of the mirror, too. Yes, the ideal woman is YOU! Your personality is what is ideal. Your body, your race, your hair, your attitude to life is what raises this woman to shine gloriously when you do YOU!

yes, this very short me is the ideal woman that is me!

yes, this very short me is the ideal woman who is me!

I take my bra off (and it is not a big size, mind you. lol) to every ideal woman staring back in the mirror.

 

I seriously take off my bra to you  (buzzfeed)

I seriously take off my bra to you
(buzzfeed)

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Of eye candy and their ages

So here I was surfing the net looking for something to inspire my creativity when I stumbled on this amazing fact…Brad Pitt is turning 50!! this coming Wednesday! I mean, is this for real? This man still looks pretty dishy any given Sunday and he surely don’t look a day closer to fifty, despite his long hair. I have swooned over this man and have watched him in moveis…note that I haven’t watched his movies, I have watched HIM in movies…get it? …LOL, it is true. The man is just eye candy and has the bod to die for…not that he is my ideal man, just one who serves my fantasies well. LOL.

 

Is this how hot a 50 year old looks? hmmmm (image courtesy of all4wmomen.co.za  I definitely need insurance)

Is this how hot a 50 year old looks? hmmmm
(image courtesy of all4wmomen.co.za I definitely need insurance)

I have digressed greatly, the point isn’t to talk about how dishy he is but rather to share with you something that hit me today.

So Brad is turning fifty, right? Right. So, I have had a major oogle or two or three or more, right? Right. So, my friends and I have had several slumber parties and get togethers were the objective turned out was to discuss his dishy looks and bod…oh yes, we have. For the life of me I only know that he acted in Troy as Achilles and he is in Oceans something or the other with George Clooney (it just goes to show you that I was oogling the guys..I don’t even recall the story lines, just the bods…LOL) Anyway, the point is this:

 

That nose! Uhmmm I can look at it for days!  (image from weheartit.com Who doesn't?)

That nose! Uhmmm I can look at it for days!
(image from weheartit.com Who doesn’t?)

I am horrified! Yes, I am. Brad is turning 50 and I have had a major crush on his pretty face and chiselled bod for ages. I have had mental images of him as my fantasy dude and images of him have made my heart race one too many times. And this horrifies me how you ask? Well, he could be my father! Yes, Brad is only a few years younger than my mother!! Oh gosh, he is that old and it never once crossed my mind to think of those pretty looks as belonging to someone in my mother’s age range! Technically, I had a crush on someone who is my dad’s peer mate! What the hell!! Oh this just takes the fun right out of it but it surely don’t make him any less eye candy. Anyway, Happy birthday to you, William Brad Pitt,

Happy birthday mum, I mean, man. It does get confusing right now. ;-) (image courtesy of imageslist.com )

Happy birthday mum, I mean, man. It does get confusing right now. 😉
(image courtesy of imageslist.com )

 

Pens for her…..?

Pens for her…..?

We really need pens for us, as women. We are delicate and we all love pink and purple (I am the only exception…. I would die for purple, lol)

 

Everything hideous about a commercial…well, not really everything (Ellen is there….ahoy, Feminists!!)

Do these guys think that we are stupid? Watch and let’s discuss. 

Handbags are dangerous?!

 

Ok, this is not one of those posts that will assist the next terrorist but one that shall help (hopefully) somebody out there. It has nothing to do with my being such a tomboy/ woman-who-hates-handbags-and-dressing-up. It is really something that has been forwarded to my email by a friend of mine who does not usually forward stuff so, it is very important. I did not get any links from the email so I cannot quote the origins of the article but I am hereby stating, categorically (I have always wanted to use that word, so do pardon me if it is not relevant or it is giving a contrived meaning… and there is another word I have always wanted to use….. okay, let me get back to the blog)… We were talking of hand bags… (I really wanted to write but I find that the very nature of the email that I have CTRL+Aed and then CTRL+Ved :-), lol, does not allow me. All I am doing on this post is to add the intro and the images, which I shall also copy-paste off some websites. So here goes…..

HANDBAGS, Briefcases and Gym Bags…… 
Have you ever noticed girls who set their handbags on public toilet floors, then go directly to their dining tables and set it on the table? Happens a lot!
It’s not always the ‘restaurant food’ that causes stomach distress. Sometimes ‘what you don’t know will hurt you!’
Read on.
Mom got so upset when guests came in the door and plopped their handbags down on the counter where she was cooking or setting up food.
Image
                     Image Courtesy of Tokyo-stories.com
She always said that handbags are really dirty, because of where they have been.

It’s something just about every woman carries with them. While we may know what’s inside our handbags, do you have any idea what’s on the outside?
Women carry handbags everywhere; from the office to public toilets to the floor of the car. Most women won’t be caught without their handbags, but did you ever stop to think about where your handbag goes during the day?
‘I drive a school bus, so my handbag has been on the floor of the bus a lot,’ says one woman. ‘On The floor of my car and in toilets.’

‘I put my handbag in grocery shopping carts and on the floor of the toilet,’ says another woman, ‘and of course in my home which should be clean.’
Image
     My one issue is that this guy has on a swimming trunk, in a tub!! Oh, well, he has the abs so I forgive him. Pic courtesy of Famed.com is that a fart bubble? (lolest)
   
We decided to find out if handbags harbour a lot of bacteria. We learned how to test them at Nelson Laboratories in Salt Lake, and then we set out to test the average woman’s handbag.
Most women told us they didn’t stop to think about what was on the bottom of their handbag. Most said at home they usually set their handbags on top of kitchen tables and counters where food is prepared.. Most of the ladies we talked to told us they wouldn’t be surprised if their handbags were at least a little bit dirty.
It turns out handbags are so surprisingly dirty, even the microbiologist who tested them was shocked. Microbiologist Amy Karen of Nelson Labs says nearly all of the handbags tested were not only high in bacteria, but high in harmful kinds of bacteria.
Pseudomonas can cause eye infections; staphylococcus aurous can cause serious skin infections and salmonella and e-coli found on the handbags could make people very sick.
In one sampling, four of five handbags tested positive for salmonella, and that’s not the worst of it. ‘There is faecal contamination on the handbags’ says Amy. Leather or vinyl handbags tended to be cleaner than cloth handbags, and lifestyle seemed to play a role.
People with kids tended to have dirtier handbags than those without, with one exception.The handbag of one single woman who frequented nightclubs had one of the worst contaminations of all.
(Now this piece of info right here is just discriminatory! How dare they insinuate that? Oh, wait, it was one single woman’s bag, phew!!)
‘Some type of faeces or possibly vomit,’ says Amy.
So the moral of this story is that your handbag won’t kill you, but it does have the potential to make you very sick if you keep it on places where you eat. Use hooks to hang your handbag at home and in toilets, and don’t put it on your desk, a restaurant table, or on your kitchen counter top.
Experts say you should think of your handbag the same way you would a pair of shoes.
‘If you think about putting a pair of shoes on your countertops, that’s the same thing you’re doing when you put your handbag on the countertops.’
Image
  Point made, shoes and handbags go hand in hand…. eeew! Pic courtesy of TheStar.com
Your handbag has gone where individuals before you have walked, sat, sneezed, coughed, spat, urinated, emptied bowels, etc! (and shat, f*$#%ed and all sorts of stuff people do)
Do you really want to bring that home with you?

The microbiologists at Nelson also said cleaning a handbag will help. Wash cloth handbags and use leather cleaner to clean the bottom of leather handbags.
THIS IS WORTH SHARING!!! PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO YOUR GRANDMOTHERS, MOMS, DAUGHTERS, GRANDDAUGHTERS AND GIRLFRIENDS!!!
In my case, I have blogged it and added some running commentary along.