Tag Archive | women

The ideal woman

So a joke was shared in one of these group in which I find myself and it went something like this:

“Your boyfriend shows up at your place and you are down to your last dollar which you were going to use to buy relish to cook sadza with. You then opt to buy him a soft drink and some biscuits and you then pour some water into a bottle of sprite and drink this. Halfway down his bottle, he asks that you swop because he loves Sprite. What do you do?” I will not share some of the answers that were shared in that group but it’s suffice to say that they resulted in me taking this issue to a broader audience: my blog.

This may be funny, or even the responses but I see a lot of sadness. I see a lot of pretense that a lot of women are engaging in and it just breaks my heart. I heard of how young women would be willing to deceive the guy just so he does not realise that she is facing hard times. Some of the responses were so violent that had it not been social media and had been a social event,  I am almost sure that a physical fight or at least a screaming match of some sort would have erupted. It is sad. I mean, why go to all the lengths to hide from  boyfriend that things are not well? What is the matter if he was to eat sadza with just vegetables on the day? Why not even ask him to help you sort out supper? I mean, I would ask that of my dude if he came and I was in that situation. I mean, we would (and do) have an honest relationship that has that kind of honesty, maybe that is why I make that declaration.

this t an ideal woman looks like...legs, boobs n ass. KKKK (smithfamilycolorado.com)

this t an ideal woman looks like…legs, boobs n ass. KKKK (smithfamilycolorado.com)

 

If a woman/ girl goes out her way to hide this and put up such a front, I wonder what else she is hiding. Anyway, the discussion soon turned to issues that touch my heart…women and their self-identity. It got me thinking just how women are under pressure to present this “ideal woman” whom none of us actually knows what she is like or how she even looks like. No wonder people be bleaching their skins rotten, because to them, the ideal woman is a “yellow bone”. No wonder some women are battling bulimia and anorexia because they want to look “sexy”…I am not yet convinced that “sexy” is a dress size. No wonder some are insecure and go snooping into phones trying to find out just who their man is chatting with. No wonder some women, scratch that, no wonder I, ME, used to ask my then boyfriend WHY he was with me! Sad. The truth is that I (and many other women) did not think that we were (are) good enough for this man who I was with (some still think that they are not good enough.) I know one too many women who are trying so hard to be superwoman…being super mom, super wife, super daughter in law, super employee…and I  wonder ho wit is all supposed to balance out…Seems every other woman I know is or has battled trying to aim to be this woman, this paragon of virtue, the virtuous woman aka the Proverbs 31 woman. Lord help us, she has to be the innocent, the virgin yet also be the sex goddess whose sexual prowess puts  a sex worker to shame…how she is supposed to be able to be this, I have no idea…but the pressure is still there.

 

she shall be called WOMAN and not anything else that is descriptive (gopixpic.com)

she shall be called WOMAN and not anything else that is descriptive (gopixpic.com)

 

I really think that my mind is insane to question the demons that hound my fellows but it does. I am not even apologetic because I finally discovered what and who this ideal woman is…move over Angelina and your full lips, move over all you Indian women with your long and silky hair, move over your Swedes with your unending limbs….models, move the bloody hell over with your size zero bodies..I have finally found her.

 

Yes! After many dismal failures, I have found her!  (sparkpeople.com)

Yes! After many dismal failures, I have found her!
(sparkpeople.com)

 

The ideal woman is the one staring back in the mirror when I look into it. She is that woman who stares back in the mirror when the next lady steps in front of the mirror, too. Yes, the ideal woman is YOU! Your personality is what is ideal. Your body, your race, your hair, your attitude to life is what raises this woman to shine gloriously when you do YOU!

yes, this very short me is the ideal woman that is me!

yes, this very short me is the ideal woman who is me!

I take my bra off (and it is not a big size, mind you. lol) to every ideal woman staring back in the mirror.

 

I seriously take off my bra to you  (buzzfeed)

I seriously take off my bra to you
(buzzfeed)

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And i realise that I do not really know her at all nd there is nothing scandalous about it at all

Zimbabwe iyi ka iyi!!! I am reading hangu on politics and politicians seeing that the sole candidate who has already been endorsed to take over the secretary post of the women’s league in Zanu PF is none other than the former secretary and now wife of the first secretary of Zanu Pf and president of Zimbabwe, the chancellor of all universities, the (I do not really know how the titles go without reading them off a paper or something so I will stop right here before I botch protocol) …..you all know the story, the short of it is that at some point in this year, we shall have the first family as being secretaries of the party of Zanu pf (hurray for secretaries around the nation and beyond; you all can be a very powerful lot! Look at your bosses with that knowledge right now. I am envious)…anyway, that sole candidate is on a nationwide tour of the country and is holding rallies as if there is an election!!! I am wondering what the real purpose of these rallies are. Already candidate E (for endorsed) is talking of removing non-performers and magaro-magariro- akanaka among other things and if these overzealous media people are to be believed, of “spilling blood” huh?

Anyway, that is not why I am writing this. I write this because I just discovered kuti fellow graduate isn’t who we all think that she is. I mean kuti her name is not what we all think it is. I know that a of of you, like me, struggle with the uniqueness of what we believe is her name. LOL. i am going round in circles just to make this one appear to be a proper blog entry. lol, bear with me

I want to add hangu kuti, this individual has been at the centre of an amazing feat that has since been disputed and got tongues wagging in this my country despite years of all of us all viewing her as being amazingly brave. Yes, she is the one behind the rumored gunning down of the helicopter using an AK47 or some such gun and is quoted as having said about the incident: “Incredibly, I hit the machine and there was a lot of black smoke and it crashed. A big explosion followed” So right here, you now all know that I am referring to the one and only vice president of our nation, Cde Joice Mujuru….and right there is the real reason I wrote this entry. I had no intention of writing this post but it just started coming off my hands!

Anyway, I wanted to write that her birth name, the one that her mother gave her is not Joice but is…drum roll please… Runaida and her family name is Mugari! I just thought that this is very interesting. It is something that I did not know and there is NOTHING scandalous at all about this. Gotcha. It seems like I do not really know her…or rather, I do not really know the her that was presented to the public all along. And this has got me thinking:
What if, and that is a very big IF, mind you. What if, her degrees and academic qualifications are just like the tale of her gunning down that helicopter?

hiiiii!! I think too much. Later.

The dreams born of pain, despair, humiliation and the resilience of being a Zimbabwean in 2014

Cry my beloved country!! Today I weep for the former bread basket of Africa! Is this what we’ve been reduced to? People at the mercy of other governments? Pleading for finger drops of kindness which we have to pay for or else suffer much (including humiliation?) just to receive?

We no longer need leaders but people who will get down on hands and knees, crouch into the mud and dirt, shove their hands into grime and grease, soak their clothes in sweat, crease their brows as they work their asses of- not to get a title, a farm, special recognition, or even a thank you. But to see the tar cover the roads once more, to see water drip out from taps, to see houses, streets and industries lit up again. To have milk delivered to doorsteps, to have children ride on public buses and trains. To have them taught in class and not having to resort to extra lessons. To make sure every civil servant and employee understands and appreciates what hard work is, so that they provide services to people wanting them.

I’m dreaming and working on having Zimbabwe have people with servant hearts who make promises and fulfil them. People in leadership positions who work hard to have every Zimbabwean united with the next, calling and celebrating the diversity of political support and ideologies. I’m dreaming of a Zimbabwe in which I am a leader whose main concern is to see the next Zimbabwe have what I have before I take extras for me, mine and me! To be a leader who realises that being a leader means I go last, I smile and sleep only after those who follow me are content and smiling. I dream of being the kind of person whose position will never shut my eyes to the cries and murmurs of everyone and anyone. A leader who’ll know how everyone is making their dollar and spending it. To know where they sleep, what they eat and drink. What schools their children go to. A leader whose children are no better than anyone`s.

I could go on about the kind of Zimbabwe I have committed myself to work towards but this isn’t the place and time. I’m hurting inside and realising just how privileged in my needs I am. Sitting in a bus for 8hours, navigating treacherous roads, committing my life into the hands of a driver who believes that the best way to get to our destination includes turning a deaf ear to the concerns of the passengers he’s driving, travelling across the country to another in search of wares to resell as well as take the time to see a few friends who now reside across the borders- all this is a luxury to me because I don’t HAVE TO do it.

I’m humbled by the efforts Zimbabweans make to have a half decent life. No government worthy of that name should have citizens who struggle the way I’ve witnessed the last few hours. Our government has failed us terribly and has been doing so for years now. I have the option to leave this country (and believe you me, I’m taking that option seriously lately) but what of those who don’t have that option? When I come back,  what will their lives have become? It breaks my heart that my countrymen and women are denied the decency of services that are their due, services ppl are PAID to provide yet are being paid for NOT PROVIDING.

What really is every minister in our current government thinkin of this shell called Zimbabwe? Most of them KNOW that there are way better people who could run their offices but they knowingly put party and self above the nation! This is a crying shame, and I’m being kind. Let me stop here for now before I start singling out people.

As I retire to bed: what’s a woman`s worth?

What is today`s black woman about? Been horrified by what I see to be increasingly ‘popular’ posts of fellow black African, Zimbabwean even, sisters who seem to be going out of their way to post pics of their derriers and milk jugs. When the ‘inevitable’ (dare I say, anticipated and desired) comment comes thru about how ‘well put/rounded/yummy) etc the sister is from some hungry, lewd man comes, she goes on to accept such comments as some sort of compliment!?

Is it me or are some women actively bringing down the bar of what a ‘hot’ woman is? Surely, I can’t be finding validation in some comment by a random stranger that he finds me sexy or that my behind illicits some untypeable urges within him!

What’s going on? Guys, why prowl social media seeking out these women and worse still, commenting and giving some sort of validation of their worth based on how big, round and goodness knows what else their outer bits are?

Women, why are we reducing ourselves to being sorry, cheap, sex objects? Surely our minds are more desirable and exciting than our body bits that soon sag and can be put to shame by one good plastic surgeon? Look at Nikki Minaj. Someone is already out there tryin to outdo her measurements! SMH, chaiyo.

The unsettled mind

“And God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it [using all its vast resources in the service of God and man]; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and over every living creature that moves upon the earth.”
This verse has been abused thoroughly! I imagine that when this man ofthe frocks, gumbura, was stating that he wants to have 100 children, he probably would cite this bit. We know of religions that use this passage of scripture to have kids and kids galore.

My question is simple really- I get the whole ‘fill the earth’ bit but now the earth IS full- why are we aiming to have it overfull? Ha! I’m astounded.

Somethin crazy my friend said- on watching African movies: the movie states ’30 years later’ yet you will see that the dog is still alive and not aged at all. The parents of the child don’t grow grey hair neither does the woman change hairstyle! Lol

I think that by now you realise that all this is not connected at all! I’m having random thoughts, random inspiration.

Oh yes, now I know why my mind is all over the shore- Uganda is reported to have passed some Anti- pornography bill that sees mini skirts banned as ‘they contribute to moral’ degradation or some such! Whiskey Tango Fox-Trot! What THE! Who sat in that parliament and passed that bill? We are not even going back to stone age we are going beyond that to somewhere the mind doesn’t even think!!

This is one stupid law that comforts men into thinking that immorality is caused by women! No, immorality is caused by the choices ppl make! When someone chooses to do somethin immoral there most probably would be no mini skirt in sight. Ugandan parliament needs to know this- repressing women thru monitoring our dressing isn’t going to make you any more moral! The next thing we’ll hear is how you would have banished women to some closed off space just to ‘bring morality’ back to Uganda! Then and only then, will you realise that the morals of ppl have nothing to do with the clothes or lack of, on their skin!

As I retire to bed diaries: When the passion gets muddied by the pain and frustration

Lately, I’ve been writing what I’m now calling ‘As I retire to bed diaries’ on Facebook. I guess it’s my own way of finding what I celebrate daily. There’s too much stuff going on around me such that it becomes easier to forget the good stuff that make me grateful for each day, that make me expectant for each the new day. I discovered today that I have been running away from blogging yet I’ve somehow started it on Facebook. So here goes today`s entry-

Finding and following one`s passion is a fulfilling point in one`s life. However, it seems as if when one finds this passion that’s when life gets tougher. My advice today is simple-
When you find that following your passion is some disillusion, ask yourself where your passion lies? – in the doing or in the aftermath?

I find that my passion lies in the people whom I impact! The doing itself can be so traumatic, painful and frustrating that I often question why I even bother. However, hearing from a fellow passion follower, from a young woman I shared a heart to heart with, a big sister I’ve hugged, another sister I’ve cried to…just knowing that someone is managing to smile and believe in the goodness of the world despite all the pain, hurt, trauma and discouragement they’ve faced is more than enough to make me wanna go back and fight one more day for what I believe.

I’ve been called all sorts of names, labelled and vilified. Some people fear me and avoid me. Others fear me such that they resort to telling tales about me. My sexuality has come under attack and scrutiny and attack, never mind the ridiculous speculation. I’ve met ppl who have turned out not to be the sisters I initially thought they would be. I’ve met ppl who’ve turned out to be chancers who thought they were too ‘masculine’ for me to ‘resist’!!

But in all this, I’ve met women who’ve proved to be fellow kindred spirits. I’ve met men who are equally passionate about this cause to end violence against women! I’ve developed a thick skin and a tough heart. I’ve developed friendships that will span my own lifetime and beyond.

I am grateful for the privilege I have of impacting one woman at a time. When it gets overwhelming I find that one memory that reminds me why it’s all worth it. When fellow kindred spirits reach out to me and express willingness to create a synergy, I am encouraged that this war IS coming to an end.

Violence Against Women isn’t only physical- the beatings, the rape, the inappropriate touches. It’s also psychological and emotional- the insults, the catwhistles, the inappropriate words, the berating words, the attack on her self esteem, the subtle and also obvious threats to her, her children, her family- sisters, brothers.

It’s also economic- the threat with loss of her source of livelihood, the threat that the family bread winner will be unable to provide anymore, the threat that if she earns more than her husband/spouse she’ll emasculate him, the threat that if she goes into formal employment she’ll attack male attention and thus destroy her marriage.

It’s religious and cultural- she must be submissive to her husband and any man she encounters despite her own feelings regarding their conduct. She must die to her fleshly/carnal needs lest she be possessed of the devil/loose/cheap/whorish. She must be obedient to every ‘instruction’ from the man of God/man of the cloth/religious leader. She must take instruction from the males because she’s only better than a child in that she gives birth to children! The woman must know hop place at all times and stick to it. The woman is responsible for any wrongdoing that ‘her man’ does.

Violence against women is a carefully orchestrated reality whereby every individual plays their part like the 226member symphony it is. Sadly, women play a crucial role in it as we often are the gate keepers of patriarchy and act as social and cultural checks on one another. It is us who are responsible for grooming the next ‘befitting’ women for posterity. It is us who teach one another what ‘being a proper woman/wife/spouse’ is. It is us who monitor one another, ensuring that we are all keeping in line with ‘societal/cultural/religious’ expectations. This is the sad reality.

However, I retire to bed tonight knowing full well that women are stepping up and speaking out. We are taking our cultures, regions and societies to task. Slowly but surely the culture of male impunity is coming to an end. Slowly but surely, women are stepping up and speaking out against gender based violence. We are engaging men and women from across the religious, political, cultural and socio-economic divides in this fight. Generations are reaching out to one another and coming together in this fight.

I sleep easy tonight knowing that each one of us is making a huge difference in our own little corners. This is a collective effort and every little victory counts. I retire to bed tonight knowing that the world is becoming safer for us day by day.

The call to the president

I recently came across a poem on the Facebook wall of some guy who wanted to make a call to the president
“about the sisters
who forgot to dress properly
on public streets”

Of all the things he could have called the president. Of all that is going on in this our beloved country. Of all the rot and cancer spreading in the nation, he would rather with
“private number
in hushed voice” tell him about women not dressing properly?

I don’t think so.

I wonder
when you will call him
about the brothers:
who wear their pants beneath their bums
with all manner of underwear showing?

saggy triloquist.net

Or about the very brothers
who sexually harass women

with their cat-whistles and unwanted sexist attention?

Wait a minute,
you did not know that
that was abuse of the sisters?

whilst you and your brothers

Go about competing to show us what little bums

and dirty undergarments

(they cannot be called underwear,

they insult the clothing)

Whilst you and your brothers compete

me and my sisters

Do not waste a moment thinking

about such trivial issues.

At the end of the day

we each shall remove them

When we shower.

Go on and make that call
to the president

                                                                               and whilst you are at it,

 Remind each other that

the women of this nation will not

be trivialized

cellphone bestclipartblog.com image

Isn’t it of more concern

to weed out rot and corruption

from the government

than to remove the clothes of a woman?

elephants are dying and ivory being sold on black markets

     elephants are dying and ivory being sold on black markets

Isn’t it of more concern

to have electricity and flowing water

in every household,

To have quality and relevant education

in every school

for everyone?

our children evidently enjoy school, can their classroom be more encouraging?

our children evidently enjoy school, can their classroom be more encouraging?

Isn’t it of more concern

to have good roads and infrastructure,

functional ministries and councils?

Isn’t it of more concern

to have a functional health system

access to health services

services that are affordable and accessible?

this is water taken from a tap in Harare! Are we seriously paying to get sick?

this is water taken from a tap in Harare! Are we seriously paying to get sick?

Yes, my brother,

call the president.

Remind him that Murambatsvina 2 is a real threat over our heads.

Ask him why councils are being run like the very tuck-shops that were razed the first time around.

Ask him why water bills are not transparent and why it seems as if the ‘cancelled’ bills we are paying up, one  way or the other.

 

Please speak up loud and clearly,

In fact, come and take my phone and make that call.

Please ask him why so many students are still enrolling into tertiary institutions only to graduate and sit at home or do work that is so unrelated to their ‘qualification’

Please, I urge you, ask him why so many people are working so hard yet  this is not reflected in their pockets

I wonder how many graduates are seeking a living by Ximex Mall? (image courtesy of technomag.co.zw)

I wonder how many graduates are seeking a living by Ximex Mall?
(image courtesy of technomag.co.zw)

Oh, and whilst you are on the line, please ask him what the government is waiting for concerning the bilharzia vaccine? How many more children must die or react terribly before they stop to investigate it? Who’s child must be negatively affected before it can be stopped? Yes, please try to get clarification kuti since when was bilharzia such a national issue to warrant such national action?

You see, my brother, I have too many questions and yet you have only one.

You want to speak to the president in hushed tones via a private number yet I want to speak to him in a clear voice, no hiding my identity and ask him my many questions.

But for now, please call him….

 

(Whilst this entry was waiting to be posted, the government has since called a press conference re: the bilharzia injections…’to investigate’ I wonder what they will come up with as findings. I also wonder from whom it is that they will seek counsel. I really wonder a lot of things when it comes to my government. It seems as if the professor has come back ready to undo his errors when he was behind the unpopular pieces of legislature, now that he has got the whole Dead BC board fired…can he please not juts fire the whole government and the City of Harare folk whilst at it? But I digress….  )