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My Vows My Responsibility

Here is my lawyer….Tarie, you make way too much sense but then again common sense is not common, even among our esteemed judiciary folk. 😉

tarytells

The issue of adultery damages usually opens up unruly debates which are never conclusive. Married women in most instances pull out daggers protecting their marriages while men are not amused by such stances when their wives sue the ‘other woman’. What always baffles me is that when a man who has been adamant that a woman should not sue a girlfriend of their husband is asked if he should sue for adultery damages from a man who has an affair with his wife they are incensed.
Adultery is when two people have an intimate relationship and one or both of them are married to someone else at that time. Adultery damages are awarded to compensate the injured party. At law they are compensated for two things: Contumelia and lack of consortium. Contumelia is about hurt, pain and indignity that is as a result of the adultery whilst consortium refers to…

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Battles between grammar and creation

I’m seated on my bed (do I say that I’m seated IN my bed?) a day after my 14th 20th birthday 😉 and I’m thinking… Why did God create full grown adults? I mean,  He could have created babies and seen them grow and all that but (or do I say ‘hey’?) The Almighty One chose Adam and Eve to be full grown adults.  At least that’s the impression most of us have. He could also have just created old people.

Emma

#RatedLoose How many wives are having sex for their husbands? How many men don’t even know that their wives are off sex/ not feeling it/ doing it for the marriage’s sake?
This is one heck of a thought-provoking blog. Please read it and share it and discuss it. Tag me @shhhtendo (T) R Tendo Tapiwa (Fb), let’s discuss.

The sex is still as frequent although I dont ever feel like it or enjoy it.

Watched a movie called “The Colour Purple” the other day. The scene that still haunts me is the one in which Netty speaks to Shug, who is her husbands mistress really, about how sex is a non-event for her. Shug is shocked because when she sleeps with the same man its heaven but Netty speaks of it like dude is “going to the toilet on her”. Its haunting me so much because I know I am Netty too only I learnt how to pretend because mama said thats what good wives do. They put their man first and they never let their true feelings show”

Help! I talk to myself….On second thoughts, I AM normal!

Damn it! I talk to myself. Yes, ndinotaura ndega. I talk to myself so many times a day and it helps me function “normally”. I hate it when I don’t talk to me because I forget my thoughts. Imagine, I have just scrolled thru my phone yet I forgot why I wanted the phone in the first place.

i also tend to go back to the task or room I was doing/ at so that I recall what I want in the room I have just entered. Yes, I do that a lot. And I do that a lot when I forget to talk to myself. When I talk to myself, I remember much more easily what I want or why I am where I am and the like.

I also tend to hold conversations with myself. There is a difference between talking to myself and holding conversations with myself. In talking to myself, I tell myself stuff that I do not want to forget…stuff such as, “go back and edit that Facebook post you want to post because they will surely pick you up this time” LOL. In holding entire conversations I tend to just talk to myself and respond to myself. Yes, I do. It is like there are two or more MEs who are having an exchange of sorts. Not necessarily heated but words are shared. Not gossip, although I tend to do that, too. Well, it is safer than doing it with someone else- kinda like a masturbation of gossip. LOL

Anyway, when I have entire conversations with myself, I tend to experience a whole host of emotions. kinda like:

Duh, you can be quite a mouthful, at times, R.

Of course, I am. What did you think I would be? A boot-lick like those Zanu apologists? (LOL, a part of me even laughs right now. It is just not the part that is recalling a recent conversation, so go figure.)

You can be more subtle, you know?

Subtle?? Ha!!! Does she even know the word? (Yes, another part of me interrupts rudely, uninvited and like that random stranger on the kombi ride who butts into your conversation forcing you into an awkward silence. You know the one I am talking about… I have been her. 😉 )

Shut up and mind your business! (I will rarely be silenced, even by that rude and random part of me. RMEs- rolling my eyes)

So what did you say this time around? (Another part of me, this one is the really curious one and she almost always gets me into trouble when she pitches up. She always wants to know the WHAT or else the WHY. I suspect that she is the one who pushes me into discovering they HOW of it. Ayaas)

I did not say anything I did not mean. (The sheepish side responds. I even see her looking down. I don’t know how she is even a part of me. Shy?? ha!! she needs a bit of spine! I will teach her!)

Yet you said what you meant, right? (That rude stranger again. #sigh this time she is spotting a huge smile. The one that has lit up her semi cat-eyes and they are sparkling with that insatiable need to be confirmed right. I am kinda reminded of how a piece of sh@&t you have walked past is somehow lingering in the air making you think that you probably have stepped on it but are afraid to look beneath your shoe. Why does that image come to mind?)

Don’t answer that! (I have no idea as to where or who or which part of me said it but one part of me decides to listen and that is where this particular conversation ends)
I want sadza. (Is that even a thought or it is a new conversation?)

Sadza and what? You have hate meat so why bother? (yes, it is a new conversation.)

Yes, I had sadza yesterday and eating it again is like…. aaargh! and I am talking to myself again! (Who is talking now? Me. But which me is it?)

Can I ju….Hello? Hi. (I interrupt myself to start a proper conversation on the phone. At least this one is with people who answer back. Wait a minute…I answer myselves back. #sulk)

They are boring. He is boring!! Just hang up. (must be the trouble maker, the one who is ill-disciplined. Needs a thorough bottom-whipping to instill the fear of mother in her. I wonder how my grandmother and father missed out on instilling discipline in this one. She must have surfaced later on in my life. Kinda like how a little worm/ maggot surfaces in sadza just as you are about to dish it into dad’s plate. Do you get relieved because it surfaced at just that moment rather than later? Or you get annoyed that now you can’t eat because you know what was in the sadza?)

No, that would be rude. Just excuse yourself and hangu up. (Evidently, this one is just a talker and did not see the worm/ maggot.)

Same difference! She will just have to hang up at the end of it. (This one is as stubborn as skin pigmentation…no matter how light skinned these cheap, under-the-handbags creams can get you, all your blackness aka brownness will insist on settling on your knuckles! To proudly help you knock on any doors of opportunity, loudly declaring to you that you are a dark skinned woman running away from yourself like police officers at the kirawa yamadzibaba. ROFLMAO. Ok, not really, I am walking around somewhere and laughing my tail off. Imagine how all that pigmentation is running away- it can be Usain Bolt-ing, or it can be Haile Gebrselassie-ing, but run to the knuckles, it does.

Yes. I am still here. I was just lowering the volume. What I would give to silence these really loud MEs inside of me! (I will not even bother to ask who has taken over but my phone conversation is now so different with all theMEs just jabbering on inside me.)

It is lots of fun to talk to myself (hey, we are quite a few of you in here) #giggle

Of today’s “fast” young girls: #BIAAGZIM

I come from a society that believes in punishment rather than rehabilitation, a society that believes in reactionary methods of dealing with challenges rather than trying to prevent them, a society that is more in denial than accepts reality, and in so doing, would learn how to deal with them. And that is just the shame of it. Child marriage is sadly a scourge and the fight to end it has got to be very deep and, like a boil, it must be painfully ‘squeezed out from the root’. In a society where women are commodities to be owned, girls tend to be the ‘highest prized” of these commodities meant to help “turn around” the economic woes of families. Families sell their girl children, be it to be (cheap) labour or into marriage- to men who violate these young innocents’ childhood.  The Customary Marriages Act which looks at all customary marriages in the country does not even have an age limit as to what age people can get married, so a lot of young girls are married off under “customary marriages” and the law cannot do anything to punish those who abuse young girls in such scenarios.

It is fair and fine to look at marriage within the customary settings but I want to particularly look at child marriages in the modern set up where school going girls are impregnated by one person or the other and are forced out of school and sent packing into marriages they did not want or even think about. Child marriage, also known as early marriage, can be defined as “Any marriage carried out below the age of 18 years, before the girl is physically, physiologically, and psychologically ready to shoulder the responsibilities of marriage and childbearing.” I have followed a lot of debates on how “fast” or kuda zvinhu our young girls have become. I get it that we are a prude and uptight society that frowns upon sexual intercourse by women. I get it BUT…how then do we help these young in-school girls, at the peak of raging hormones and are that age where experimenting and exploration is rivalled by that of babies? Young people are having sex and my society had better accept this fact and deal with it. I am one of those who applauds the minister who wants condoms in schools as well as applaud those teens at the recent nude party who were  found in possession of condoms. That means that these kids are better prepared to engage in safer sex than be at the risk of such dangers as teenage pregnancy, which I view to be one of the number one reasons for child marriage.

I want to pose a series of questions:

If a baby loves the flickering of flames, do we leave that baby to play with it or we remove it from harm’s way? Do we punish a baby for their being attracted to flames? How come we child-proof homes why can we not ‘adult-proof’ our teens? Sex and pregnancy is meant for adults yet we do not talk to our teens about it but somehow expect them to just not indulge. We have a society that believes that whole grown men, heads of homes and even leaders in various circles, are incapable of controlling their sexual urges, how then do we expect these young people to be able to do what adults fail and are expected to fail to do? And when these kids fail and fall pregnant we punish them by sending them into an institution that accounts for more abuses of women than any. We send them to start a rite of passage that only a mature, informed and consenting adult should be willingly entering. I am particularly looking at those child marriages which take place because a school going girl has come home late or she has fallen pregnant and must “go kwaakapihwa nhumbu yake” (she must go to whoever made her pregnant)

People can get emotional all they want but a child who, despite acting all grown up and doing grown up business, has no business being thrust into a space that she is most likely to be abused repeatedly. This young girl-woman needs to be in school where an education can help her secure a better future for her. She needs the support of her family during this bewildering period in her life and not left in the hands of a man who most probably does not want anything to do with her or the baby she is now carrying. Sending her into marriage at such an early age and given the likely scenario she will face, IS punishing her, and punishing her terribly, if I may be so candid. Marriage should be a joy and not something that is founded on “mistakes”, fear and constant reminders that one is being punished and is unwanted.

Given that sex has taken place between a child-woman and (usually) an adult, why does my society see it fit that a few dollars, cows and some clothes and groceries are given in exchange for the entire future of this child? How much is a woman’s future worth anyway? Seems it carries a small price tag whichever way we look at it. Let us all remember that before we condemn this “wayward” child, for she still is a child, she is at the mercy of her hormones and we need to guide her through this difficult time of her life. I would dare challenge parents to take up the parenting mantle and equip their young girls with all the information they would need to get through this period in a manner that will allow them to avoid the pitfalls of teenage pregnancy and teenage sex. Marrying her off is not a solution and should not even be contemplated. Let us talk WITH our children about sexual intercourse so that they are better informed and ready to face or avoid it.

#BIAAGZIM